Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Director: George Miller

Cast: Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Hugh Keays-Byrne

Have I Seen It Before: Yes, and now we’ve reached another moment of necessary confession. When this one came out, everyone thought it had reinvented the wheel (despite making extensive use of them, har har). When I finally came around to it—I did miss it in theater; at the rate I’m going these days, that surprises even me—I thought it was well made. It had what at least appeared to be a lot of practical effects, and it would be hard to deny that the thing moves along at brisk pace, but I really didn’t see what the big deal was.

Did I Like It: Now that I’ve given you the appropriate amount of time to at least think through your admonitions, given that I kind of liked the rest of the films in the series now that I’ve had occasion to watch them, surely I’ll be set straight.

And for the most part, either the hype has long since passed or I got my head out of my ass long enough to enjoy what was present. The series proves to be the most adaptable of the action franchises. Any series that began as testosterone filled as this would have been forgiven for having difficulty embracing feminism in its old age, but this creates a new hero in Furiosa (Theron) that—had we been diligently going to the theater this summer—would have no problem being the face of the franchise, and with no diminishing of its hard edge.

I’m also cured on the second viewing of this movie of a wrong-headed desire I’ve had for the films. After Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985) I keep wanting to see some sort of catharsis for Max (Hardy) I the future. By continuing to break Max a little bit with every film, Miller is proving that catharsis is not what these films are about. Obviously they’re about survival, and if a post-apocalyptic film can get me on board with survival, that’s got to be worth something.

*Including all of the ones which awkwardly star Mel Gibson, whom I could ignore/tolerate for longer than I would have thought, and including Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), which I was surprised by how much I enjoyed even on first viewing.

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

Director: Stuart Baird

Cast: Patrick Stewart, Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, Tom Hardy

Have I Seen It Before?: Oh, yes. Funny story: In early December 2002, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I tried to get clear-headed enough from all of the pain medication so I could make it to a screening of this film during its opening weekend. As the film, sort of happened in front of me it felt all wrong, so much so that as the end credits limped into existence, I shouted in the middle of the theater, “What the hell was that?” Apparently I still had some cotton in my mouth, and more than a little painkillers in my system, and a little cotton in my motuh, so it sounded more like, “Wha tha hee iyat?” But the point remains.

Did I like it?: See the previous statement.

I love Star Trek, and 2000s/1990s when it seemed like there would never be a shortage of Trek material, it felt like there was plenty of room to thoroughly dislike the entries that didn’t hold up.

The film is not a celebration of a beloved TV franchise, but more the final strained compromise of years’ worth of studio politics. Stuart Baird only got the director seat because he did Paramount a solid by doing a last-minute editing jobs on Mission: Impossible II (2000) and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001). One might say that the great film editors shouldn’t direct Star Trek films after the muddled affair that was Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979), but Robert Wise edited films like Citizen Kane (1941) and had previously directed The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) and West Side Story (1961). Stuart Baird got the movie Supernova (2000) into some form that could be released in theaters, after directing the distinctly unmemorable Executive Decision (1996) and U.S. Marshals (1998) and hasn’t been allowed to direct a film since.

There’s a temptation to make the review a list of complaints. They artificially lowered the dialogue for Worf (Michael Dorn) to where he is inexplicably the actor with the most screen time in all of Trek, and somehow unrecognizable. The films based on The Next Generation never successfully utilized Beverly Crusher (Gates McFadden) and things are certainly no better here. The film desperately wants to be The Next Generation’s answer to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982), and the desperation shows.

And yet, since it ushered in an era of a Trek desert, I don’t want to think of the film as a total loss. It’s the last film to feature a score by Jerry Goldsmith, so one wants to revel in what we have left. The ending originally felt like a sour note to end the time with The Next Generation crew with a whimper, but thankfully Star Trek: Picard is here to continue the adventures of the man from La Barre, and it solidifies the sacrifice of Data as genuine far more than the deaths of other characters in the Trek series over the years.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Director: Christopher Nolan

Cast: Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Anne Hathaway, Tom Hardy

Have I Seen it Before: Sure.

Did I Like It: Look it’s a Batman movie that doesn’t rely on certain characters mother’s being named Martha. What’s not to like? I’ll tell you.

I ultimately don’t think Nolan had a plan going into this one. Maybe he didn’t really want to make a third film in his series, but he really really didn’t want to make any more movies, so he scrambled for a rousing conclusion. It forges together some of the bigger Batman comic plot lines that weren’t covered by Nolan’s two previous movies, Knightfall, No Man’s Land, and The Dark Knight Returns, but the blending doesn’t quite come together. It all fits together not as smoothly as it did in the previous entry, 2008’s The Dark Knight. In the attempt, to many plot lines rise to the top.

Too many plots. How did Bruce Wayne get back into Gotham after escaping Bane’s prison, especially when it is well-established that he’s broke by this point in the movie? And where and with whom is Miranda Tate/Talia al Ghul at various points in the third act?

While people moan and wail about the deep, unforgiving chasm that separates Bale's Batman voice from his Bruce Wayne voice, he seems utterly restrained* when compared with the Sean Connery and Darth Vader forged in a blender that is Bane (Hardy). Several years have separated this particular screening from its premiere, but the first moment he speaks on that airplane, it’s one of the most bizarre sounding things that has ever been committed to film, compounded by the deep realization that Bane’s words clearly were modified deep into postproduction, as he didn’t sound quite so ridiculous in the early trailers for the film released in 2011 and 2012. 

Speaking of that airplane sequence, let’s get into what absolutely, unassailably works about the movie. The stunt work is legit. Nolan—although he couldn’t possibly have had the screenplay he hoped for—is one of the last great filmmakers working in studio films these days. I can’t imagine that there is not a single frame of 

Also, where Bane leaves one wanting, Anne Hathaway never fails to impress as Selina Kyle/Cat Burglar who is never explicitly referred to as Catwoman. The role has had so many distinct portrayals over the years, but Hathaway manages to tap into a realistic cat burglar vibe, while also embracing the soul of the character. As it’s always a little bit shocking how strange of a creation Bane is, it’s equally impressive how good she is, when there was plenty of room to be mediocre.

One might be tempted to be more forgiving of the film, viewing it through the same prism as Return of the Jedi (1983) or The Search for Spock (1984), thinking it suffers only because it follows the best-ever movie in the series. Tragically, while there are some things to truly like, and by no means do I think Christopher Nolan’s reputation as a shaper of popular entertainments will have ended up suffering because of it, The Dark Knight Rises ultimately has too many glaring flaws to work on it’s own account.

And I might feel pretty bad about that, but somewhere lurking in the future of this franchise is Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016), which accomplished the herculean task of making even Joel Schumacher look like Akira Kurosawa.

*Except of course when he’s talking to himself on a rooftop after Selina Kyle departs. I don’t know who he thinks he’s doing that for, but it certainly isn’t part of maintaining his secret identity.

Venom (2018)

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Cast: Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams, Riz Ahmed, and Tom Hardy as himself.

Have I Seen it Before: Honestly? I thought I was going to get away with never seeing it, but here we are.

Did I Like It: There were long stretches where I might have been willing to go along with the proceedings, able to write it off as a well-meaning b-movie with some a-listers slumming it through the run time, but it’s not nearly bonkers enough to offset its thorough commitment to being mediocre. To put it succinctly? I’m not sure what the hell I was suspecting, but no.

I don’t like Venom. I think the whole idea is pretty stupid, and Sam Raimi’s work in Spider-Man 3 (2007) leads me to believe that I may not be alone in that assessment.

The thought that I might enjoy Venom, this new Spider-Manless version of the character seemed preposterous on spec. Upon watching any of the trailers, it nearly seemed like the the movie was being made less as an attempt to make an actual film, or because of love for the character, or even just to keep the rights from reverting to Marvel, and more that it was made as part of massive prank on behalf of Sony and Columbia Pictures.

I wrote recently about how Aquaman seemed intent on wrapping itself in an aesthetic that would be more at home in a film released in the 80s, this film seems just as manic in it’s desire to be a film discovered in a time capsule that was buried in 1997. Which is kind of like trying to pull off the same trick, but without any of the charm. Dodgy CGI, a base-guitar-heavy score, all culminating in an Eminem-penned track over the end credits that helpfully retreads the plot of the film I just saw. In fairness, I’m not sure what I was expecting from a movie based on the most 90s comic book character outside of Spawn or Withcblade, which I’m pretty sure is actually a thing.

Much has been made about Tom Hardy’s swing-for-the-fences-post-modern-Al-Pacino performance as both Eddie Brock and his best-good black goo. I’m frankly not seeing it. He spends the entire first act of the film reaching for that fabled arena of overacting wherein he appears to be performing in scenes from an entirely different film. This would be all well and good (or well and good enough) if the central conceit of the film isn’t completely reliant on Brock’s transition to the alien head-biter. With this lack of a transition, all we’re left with is a litany of CGI characters that aren’t all that impressive, and seeds for a sequel that I still don’t care about.

I’m having a Spider-Manassaince as of late, with the exquisite Playstation 4 game, the vibrant and beautiful Into the Spider-Verse, and the forthcoming Far From Home, but unfortunately, I don’t think Eddie Brock should come along. At least with the success of this film, the MCU version of the web-head is relatively inoculated from having to trudge his way through his own symbiote related storyline.