Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

Director: Brian Henson

Cast: Tim Curry, Dave Goelz, Steve Whitmire, Jerry Nelson

Have I Seen It Before: I come to unavoidable conclusion that I have not. It’s probably just the right mix of it coming out at that specific time in life where I would have wanted to avoid any film “for kids” and the fact that the film just doesn’t enjoy the same kind of ubiquitous cultural permeation as The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)* that I just managed to skip it.

Did I Like It: I hesitate to compare this with Carol too much, but there are some useful contrasts on display. It’s entirely possible that Dickens is just a bit more dynamic of a writer than Stevenson, and any adaptation of their works one might feel compelled to compare is going to favor Dickens over Stevenson.

While the Muppets inject their usual brand of humor into the proceedings, the fusion between nineteenth century literature and early nineties is less smooth here. There are moments where this is a comedy, and there are moments where it is an adaptation of the works of Robert Louis Stevenson. There aren’t a lot of moments that reach for both, even if to do so risks embracing cinematic paradox.

There’s a also a problem with the central performance. Tim Curry as Long John Silver here is as charming and incorrigible as he is at any other point in his career, but there’s a seduction*, for lack of a better term that feels like a mistake. Caine played Scrooge straight, as if he were appearing in any other production of Carol, where Curry almost views himself as—or desperately wants to be—one of the Muppets himself. It renders him, sadly, as one of the less intriguing Muppets, where he could have given a performance that stands the test of time.

It’s okay. He was much better in other films.

*That is the kind of thing that happens to Christmas movies, after all.

**Curry himself once described Miss Piggy as the one who got away, which in and of itself almost negates the criticism I’m reaching for here.

Pennywise: The Story of It (2022)

Director: Chris Griffiths

Cast: Tim Curry, Seth Green, Richard Thomas, Tim Reid

Have I Seen it Before: No. Normally wouldn’t have been interested, but it happened to be the right price on iTunes as I enjoyed a glass of wine on Christmas Eve, You might be in for a few strange reviews over the next several months.

Did I Like It: The greatest behind-the-scenes documentary of all time is undoubtedly Hearts of Darkness (1991). To compare this film with that film would be to compare its subject—It (1990)—with something like Citizen Kane (1941). They aren’t in the same league.

This film ultimately runs like a DVD special feature. There’s nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of fascinating special features to watch on DVDs and Blu Rays. The Beginning, the fly-on-the-wall, but still Lucas-approved look at the production of Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) feels comprehensive, even if it may be largely staged.

There’s a fundamental standard of criticism of documentaries as a whole in those examples. Do they have an unusual level of access to its subject, so much so that something candid might rise to the surface? On that level, Pennywise doesn’t even feel the need compete on this level. There probably isn’t that much to reach for in that arena, though. The film itself was only controversial in the context of its airing on prime-time broadcast television. It itself has always been a four hour movie with a few good performances, one great performance, and about five non-consecutive minutes of real terror.

So then we must move on to another criteria. Does this film have anything unique to say about its subject, without blindly drifting into the territory of criticism of the film? No, unfortunately. There are a few anecdotes of note, plenty of earned deference to Curry—without whom there would scarcely be a reason to have a documentary in the first place—and Jonathan Brandis’ early demise, and more than enough talking heads.

Ultimately, though that makes for a completely average DVD special feature. I’m willing to give the affair a pass, as the disc special feature is becoming something of an endangered species, but I can’t imagine I’ll come back to it at any point. I’d probably just listen to the commentary on the DVD itself. If memory serves, both Harry Anderson and John Ritter are on that one, and as one might imagine, not present for the proceedings here.

Clue (1985)

Director: Jonathan Lynn

Cast: Eileen Brennan, Tim Curry, Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd

Have I Seen it Before: Yes…

Did I Like It: How do you broach the subject of writing about a nearly universally loved film, when you don’t like it even a little bit?

Don’t go, don’t go. We can talk about it, right? 

I like the cast. Some of them have appeared in some of my very favorite films of all time. Christopher Lloyd, who I adore, sleepwalks through the film, in sharp contrast to Tim Curry who is probably too frantic here for his own good. The late, great Madeline Kahn can’t help but shine, with her “flames” speech being my biggest laugh during the film.

Yes, I didn’t laugh much during the film, and if you’re not laughing while watching a comedy, that’s pretty much the beginning and end of it. There’s some wordplay, which I’m always in favor of, but the dialogue is spit out with an almost sleepy indifference (Kahn notwithstanding). 

But the problems for me go deeper than the fact that I didn’t think the film is all that funny, and it goes to the core gimmick that has cemented the film in most peoples memories, the multiple endings. While it would have been an intriguing prospect to see the film multiple times and having a different experience in the theater, but after it moves into home media, we are subjected to all three endings in quick succession*, which makes the true messiness at the core of the movie hard to ignore. How can a mystery work if it truly, deeply, doesn’t matter who was the murderer/murderers? Communism may be a red herring, but in this Schrödinger’s mystery, everything is a red herring. Hardly seems worth it.

Also, what the hell does Cluedo mean? Why do people call it that outside of the country?

* DVDs and Blu-Rays give the viewer the option to view only one ending at random, but that hardly seems like the same thing.