Star Wars - Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)*

Director: Irvin Kershner

Cast: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Frank Oz

Have I Seen It Before?: Yes, but probably in the wrong way. I missed all of the original trilogy in theaters by one year, and so had to watch them on VHS in the late 80s and early 90s. So, the first time I saw Star Wars – Episode IV: A New Hope (1977) it was preceded by an ad for the rest of the series, including Luke (Hamill) asking Yoda (Oz) that trilogy-spoiling question: “Is Darth Vader my father?”

So it’s kind of like I had the experience of seeing the film before I ever actually got to see it.

Did I like it?: It would be pretty disingenuous of me to say anything other than “yes” here. It is universally accepted as the greatest of all Star Wars films. It is truly great, not possessing one moment or element that annoys or distracts, and in fact adds so much to the tapestry of the saga, that it probably has had a hard time recovering in the 39 years since its release. It is thrilling and funny in equal measures, and even its supposed “down” ending hints at the—for lack of a better term—new hope just beyond the horizon.

But is it better than A New Hope? I’ve probably spent most of my life thinking so, but I’m not sure why I have changed tracks in the last few years, but I think… (I think) I prefer A New Hope at this moment. It’s an incredibly close comparison, at any rate.

That may make the debate about which film is “better” a fundamentally meaningless one.

It is a far better sequel than we had any right to expect from the original Star Wars. As such, it may be partly to blame for the litany of movies we’ve received since, each one demanding of us as viewers to not so much react and take in the subsequent films, but create positions on which one we like and which ones we don’t. It has reduced fandom of the series to a tedious xerox copy of partisan politics in America. 

Stop ranking movies. Enjoy them, don’t enjoy them. That is up to you. Just watch them.

With that in mind, both this film and the one that preceded it are great and you should watch them, if you haven’t.

Which you almost certainly have.

*I watched the unaltered versions available on the 2006 “limited edition” DVDs. See my review for A New Hope for further thoughts on this.

Star Wars - Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

Director: George Lucas

Cast: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Alec Guinness

Have I Seen it Before: I mean, what would I have been doing with my life up until this point if I hadn’t? 

Did I Like It: It’s… Well, hell, at the risk of reading as needlessly melodramatic, it may, in fact be a perfect film.

And a perfect film the way that it was originally presented (see the footnote). Here’s some food for thought: Legend has it that the reason Lucas didn’t include the scene where Han (Ford) encounters Jabba the Hutt in the Mos Eisley Spaceport. 

It’s also the movie I point to when I needed an example of why widescreen was always better than full screen. Kids, ask your parents, as it’s not a debate that needs 

But all of that doesn’t matter when you see the twin suns of Tatooine and dream of a life beyond the one you’ve always known, and when Han return to the Death Star when he is needed the most, and when our heroes (sans Chewbacca [Peter Mayhew], #dontevergetoverthisone) get their reward at the throne room of the Great Massassi Temple on Yavin IV. This movie is simplicity itself, and even The Empire Strikes Back (1980) can’t hold a candle to that.

*I watched the original, completely unaltered version of the film (and will be doing so for the rest of the original trilogy). This was so unaltered that not only is Jabba the Hutt nowhere in sight, but the film isn’t even labeled as Episode IV or A New Hope at this point. That title was added on a later VHS release after The Empire Strikes Back hit theaters. The un-fiddled versions of the film are available in a limited edition from 2006 that is long-since out-of-print but are available on Amazon for about $60.00 per film. The original versions are technically a bonus feature on a second disc on each set and are what appear to be copies from even more antiquated laserdisc copies. Widescreen editions are available, but Lucasfilm/20th Century Fox went slight on the presentation features. It’s not anamorphic and your modern TV is going to find it a little befuddling, but if you’re in the market for looking at Sebastian Shaw as opposed to Hayden Christensen, this is the only way to go (more on that during my review of Return of the Jedi(1983).

Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Director: George Lucas

Cast: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Ian McDiarmid

Have I Seen it Before: I mean, we came this far. Why wouldn’t we “finish” things?

Did I Like It: You know, it’s an odd thing…

I want to say that anyone who believes this film isn’t the best entry in the prequel trilogy is being disingenuous, at best. I also want to say that anyone who thinks this movie is better than any entry in the original trilogy, is also being disingenuous. And finally, anyone who puts The Last Jedi (2017)* above any of the prequel trilogy are turning what used to be fun movies about space wizards with laser swords into a real chore. Thanks, guys.

Sigh.

Criticism of the Star Wars saga can be thoroughly exhausting, and yet I continue…

In my reviews of the other entries of the prequel trilogy, I lamented that the one element that might have recommended the films previously—the largely computer-generated special effects—tragically age the film beyond anything that Lucas might have originally hoped for. In this final Lucas-directed film, matters have improved slightly. It may not be entirely that there was a quantum leap forward in the effects, but there are more instances of digital characters interacting with one another, and fewer occasions where such creations awkwardly share a frame with an actual human.

That is not to say that the film is without its flaws, but this film’s deepest flaws are with its inherent design, not necessarily its execution. The tendency of prequels to depict scenes that previously lived in the collective imagination of backstory makes those resultant scenes a little less special. Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) had a similar problem. In my mind, the particulars of how Han Solo won the Millennium Falcon from Lando Calrissian was one of the greatest cons that ever transpired in this galaxy or the other. As depicted in the film, it’s just a well-played game of Sabacc. So, too, the duel on Mustafar between Vader (Christensen) and Obi-Wan (McGregor) always seemed sadder, and maybe a bit more minimalist as I imagined it. It wasn’t the huge, frenetic action sequence that Lucas ended up producing. It’s a minor nitpick, I suppose. Lucas was hell-bent on making the prequels one way or another; this was bound to happen.

Then there’s the real problem with Lucas’ contributions to cinema in the first few years of our new millennium. An advocate—nay, zealot—for shooting and projecting digitally, Lucas opened the century by insisting that if theater wanted to exhibit any of the new Star Wars movies he had coming off the line, that theater had to exhibit digitally. Most theaters acquiesced at least a little bit, and then realized digital projection was far cheaper across the board, and now here we are. Good luck finding a movie exhibited in 35mm. I can count on one hand the amount of movies I’ve actually seen on film in the last ten years. 

There’s a part of me that thinks the reel breaking during a screening of the special edition for The Empire Strikes Back (1980) in 1997 got back to Skywalker ranch, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and now we can’t have nice things anymore.

Do you miss those cigarette holes at the end of each reel? Do you miss the quietly insistent fear that the movie unspooling in front of you might just completely tear itself apart at any moment? Miss seeing the art of cinema displayed on the canvas for which it was intended? I sure do.

We shouldn’t blame Lucas for some fun adventure movies with some rough patches. We should blame him for film not being film anymore.

*That review of Episode VIII is going to be doozy, fam…

Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

Director: George Lucas

Cast: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Christopher Lee

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure. But, strangely, I’m thinking I may have not caught it until it had already been out in theaters for a few weeks, which may be the only instance of that during the Skywalker saga. Speaks to the state of Star Wars immediately post-Phantom Menace.

Did I Like It: Here’s a better question: What is the point in saying one likes or dislikes a Star Wars movie anymore? I say this is the worst Star Wars film, I’m just inviting a migraine inducing lecture about how The Last Jedi (2017) is the worst film in the series, which is fundamentally and objectively not true. I say this is actually the best—or at the very least most narratively consistent—of the prequels, the contrarians.

But this is a review, so I might as well go for broke.

Here’s where I land: this is not the worst Star Wars movie. The Phantom Menace (1999) is far harder to watch. Obi-Wan Kenobi (McGregor) in a solo Jedi detective story? Who honestly has a problem with that?

Now, is the romance between Anakin (Christensen) and Padmé (Portman) filled with a palpable awkwardness? Sure, but aren’t most romances that are doomed to absolute failure. He’s a rageaholic and she’s a classic enabler. Embrace the tragedy; this was the story the prequels—along with the rise of the Empire playing out mostly in the background—were destined to tell.

Now did the story of the fall of Anakin Skywalker ever really need to be told? I’m reasonably sure that it didn’t, but this is a laser sword movie with spaceships (and Yoda [Frank Oz] actually putting his lightsaber skills to use!) if we keep sticking our collective heads up our asses, Lucasfilm is going to start making the long-fabled sequel trilogy, and we’re going to inexplicably complain about those movies, too. Even if they’re good. 

So, you can kind of tell where my review of The Last Jedi is going to go already, right?

Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

Director: George Lucas

Cast: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd

Have I Seen It Before?: I mean, c’mon. I was alive in May of 1999. How would’ve I managed to avoid it?

Did I like it?: When confronted with that question, all I can do is sigh.

As time has gone on, the prequels—and especially this film—have enjoyed a modicum of critical re-evaluation.

That kinder eye is, unfortunately, completely unearned. 

I could go through all of the things wrong with the movie. Every performance outside of Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor is leaden to the point of legally being classified as a sedative by the FDA. One might want to write off the performers as unequal to the task, although it feels like punching down to continue to dump on Jake Lloyd, to say nothing of the fact that the rest of the cast have done extraordinary work outside of the saga.

Time has somehow been less kind to the film. Expectation may have eroded away, but there is a reality that Lucas didn’t bargain for that cannot be overcome. If Lucas had known how then state-of-the-art CGI would fair over time, he may have waited even longer before embarking on the production of the prequels. Each CGI creation is fairly impressive in and of itself but loses any credibility as part of a real movie when it has to interact with real actors. It’s why Andy and the rest of the humans in the Toy Story films weren’t played by real humans. It wouldn’t have worked.

I could also drag the plotline for being unfocused at best, and willfully uninteresting at worst. However, try tearing away the C-SPAN in space and the half-baked children’s story about a vacant-eyed boy meeting a racist’s idea of a salamander. The Kurosawa for the 21st century, Space Samurai epic is a pretty watchable movie. Too bad that only accounts for—at best a third of the film. Sometime in the last year, I saw a section of the film with all color removed, and played with the Japanese dub. Someone really should put the whole film through that process. I’d watch it. I suppose it really wouldn’t take that much work to do that, but who really wants to spend any more time thinking about Episode I than they really have to?

There is one thing you can’t take away from this film. For better or worse, it is a George Lucas film. Completely unmoored from the restrictions of budget, the need to collaborate, or the question of success, he was allowed to make a film uniquely his own. Not since Welles was given carte blanche over RKO has someone singularly willed a major motion picture into existence. Take that, those that question the auteur theory!

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Director: Gareth Edwards

Cast: Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Ben Mendelsohn, and Darth Vader as Himself.

Have I Seen it Before: Hell, I’m tempted to go watch it again right now.

Did I Like It: Lemme go grab the blu ray…

The text of this review appeared previously in a blog post entitled “Some Sort of Pre-Sequel: Thoughts on spoilers and Rogue One” published 12/18/2016.

So here we are, once again faced with a new Star Wars movie. I’m doomed to spend a day having to sheepishly admit—like somebody living under a rock their whole life—that I haven't seen all of the Star Wars movies yet.

But I suppose this time things are different. For one thing, the new movie, Rogue One, takes place before the beloved trilogy. It’s not really a sequel, per se, but more of a pre sequel. If only there was a simpler term for such a thing.

Ahem.

What is the same is the communications blackout most of us put ourselves in before squeezing in a screening. We're more worried about spoilers than we are about fake news articles*. I'm with you on this front. I've tried to avoid spoilers for Rogue One whenever possible, but there's got to be limits. Some things aren't spoilers. Some things are just predictable. But just because an ending is predictable, does that mean the movie itself is no good? We spent three prequel** movies knowing the fate of Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and company, and that is pointed to as one of the many reasons those films don’t work. 

Now I, before seeing the movie, have decided that most of Rogue One's heroes are not long for the galaxy. I'm not a soothsayer, nor am I an insider. I just don't remember seeing Felicity Jones or Tudyk-bot*** in A New Hope (1977), and logic alone dictates my conclusion. Does this make the movie doomed, like its prequel progenitors****

Now, I have written all of the above words before seeing the movie. I intend to continue my thoughts after I have finished watching it. See you on the other side.

***

Look at that, I was right. They all died. And yet, I think the movie largely works. Yes, Peter Cushing 2.0 seems like he is straight out of an above average video game cut scene, and the less said about retro Carrie Fisher, the better*****, but the whole package is satisfying.

It’s a satisfying movie, for no other reason that we got Darth Vader back, if only for a few moments. He has a brief interlude in the middle of the movie, wherein he exchanges villain-speak with Big Bad Orson Krennic (Ben Mendelsohn), which isn’t terribly thrilling beyond James Earl Jones’ welcome return. Later, though… Oooh, boy. He makes a return to the film in a big way. In that moment, he is not the dimwitted Lothario/precocious column of nonsense of the prequels. Nor is he the conflicted dead-beat dad of Empire or Jedi. He is the same mysterious figure that emerges from the myst in the first minutes of A New Hope. He is Darth Vader. The moment you hear that breathing and the see the red light of his saber, there is little else to do but hope that you had your affairs in order. I could have watched that scene over and over again for two-and-a-half hours******.

Would any of this have been ruined had I not surmised the fate of most of the characters? The ending is inevitable, but our heroes make every moment count for as much tension as possible. At the end of the movie, I’m about ready to believe these people just might make it. Also, Chirrut Îmwe is one with The Force, and The Force is with him.

So if Rogue One is a thrilling edition to the canon, and it doesn’t take much to figure out how the movie ends, then what excuse did Episodes I-III have? Were they just terrible? Was it all Hayden Christensen’s fault, even the movie he wasn’t in? The world may never know…

It was Jar-Jar. We all know it was Jar-Jar’s fault*******.

*#2016sentences

**Oh, I get it…

***Tudyk always dies. Too soon? #leafonthewind

****Pre-prequels? I’ll stop.

*****But these are nitpicks. In that spirit, here are some more thoughts along the same line. I think that the Artoo/Threepio cameo was extraneous, if for no other reason that there was a much better opportunity for them to appear in the corridors of the Tantive IV (yes, that is the name of the ship, look it up) in the final moments. They could have bickered just the same, and to the same effect, and it would have made more sense. Also: Oh Jek Porkins, Where Art Thou? #williamhootkinsforlife. One last one: Why didn’t Hannibal Lecter both know that he put the flaw in the Death Star design, and where that flaw was located? Because the movie would have been a lot shorter that way, that’s why.

******Not really.

*******#1999sentences

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

Director: Ron Howard, but to get into that story any further might begin the review prematurely.

Cast: Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover

Have I Seen it Before: Saw it in the theater. I had long since decided to be excited about it, despite the kerfuffle behind the scenes. It seems like a simpler time, just over six months ago.

Did I Like It: It was fine.

A Han Solo-based prequel seems like an astoundingly bad idea on paper. Do we really need to see how Han (Ehrenreich) and Chewie (Joonas Suotamo, having fully replaced the aging Peter Mayhew since The Last Jedi (2017)) met? Do we need to see the long-fabled gambling match where Lando Calrissian (Glover) loses his prized Millennium Falcon? Do we really need to see the conclusion of a story where, inevitably, Han will learn the virtue of shooting first? Is there need for more elaboration on just what the Kessel Run is? Did we not learn anything from the rationale for the prequel trilogy?

Given it’s pointedly bad idea bona fides, the logical conclusion was to reach out to Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. With The Lego Movie (2014), 21 Jump Street (2012), and hell, 22 Jump Street (2014), they have an unbroken track record of turning wildly stupid pitches into insanely watchable movies. There was reason enough to get excited.

And then Lucasfilm fired them. Apparently they were making the film too watchable, and that didn’t quite fit in with the earnings projections already made to Disney shareholders. They hired Ron Howard. He’s a great director in his own right. He brought Michael Keaton into the movies with Night Shift (1982), and is therefore worthy of our respect. Here, unfortunately, he is a hired gun, and it shows.

As the boy who would be Solo, Ehrenreich never quite feels up to the task, turning in the kind of work that can’t help but bring to mind the trajectory of Brandon Routh, forced to do a tepid impression of Christopher Reeve in Superman Returns (2006). Ehrenreich is charming enough, and we can only hope that there is some nice TV show he can call home in a few years. As Calrissian, Glover equates himself far better, still offering a performance with only flourishes of an impression of Billy Dee Williams, more akin to the work of Chris Pine as Captain Kirk in the recent Star Trek movies.

The film ends up a wildly over-budgeted adaptation of a tie-in novel that might have been written in the mid-90s*. There is even a bewildering cameo jammed into the third act by none other than the crown prince of prequels, Darth Maul (Ray Park), that by all accounts has nothing to do with the actual film at hand, and came off a list of possible reveals that could happen at the end. Even so, the movie is largely fine, and a better way to spend a little over two hours than digging ditches, but it isn’t the film it could have been, and that’s a shame.

Maybe, a la what happened with Richard Donner’s cut of Superman II, we might one day see the best version of this movie. A guy can hope, right?

* The Star Wars line did produce a young Solo trilogy in the 90s, written by the late A.C. Crispin. They trade in a lot of the same story beats as this movie, but remain firmly entrenched in the now defunct Legends canon.