Night at the Museum (2006)

Director: Shawn Levy

Cast: Ben Stiller, Carla Gugino, Dick Van Dyke, Robin Williams

Have I Seen it Before: Never. Which elicited a shocked response and an immediate vow to rectify from my wife… I didn’t know it was so important. I’m hesitant to admit—even if it may be implied—that I’ve never seen the sequels, either.

Did I Like It: It’s hard not to like a movie like this. It was very carefully orchestrated to be pleasing and unchallenging. 

The story all fits together, if unremarkably. It’s not astonishingly funny at any moment, but any kid who saw it way back when couldn’t have been judged too harshly for cackling at the antics on display. There’s even enough of a current of intellectual curiosity at the core of the movie—with the possible byproduct of encouraging kids to actually want to visit a museum. It wouldn’t appeal only to stupid kids, or make otherwise bright children any dumber. That’s more than we can expect from many films aimed at children.

Every actor is likable, and selected for the specific purpose of being imminently likable. Indeed, is there another performer in the history of the moving picture more able to elicit those sort of feelings than Dick Van Dyke? Even Robin Williams was in One Hour Photo, and for that matter, Popeye (1980). That’s kind of a strange miracle in a film which features Ricky Gervais, a performer whose built an entire career out of being iconically unlikable.

Is it wrong for a film to be bland in this fashion? I think not, it has modest goals and largely accomplishes them. It’s not subversive in the slightest, and while one may be implied to knock the film for not reaching for more, is it more a knock against a studio system no longer capable of making children’s fare that is at all subversive. Then again, across all criteria, I may very well be the unreasonable one for even wanting something like that.

Popeye (1980)

Director: Robert Altman? It’s always a little mystifying that something like this could have happened. But then again, Coppola directed Jack (1996). Shit’s been weird all over, for far longer than most people have ever bothered to remember.

Cast: Robin Williams, Shelley Duvall, Paul L. Smith, Paul Dooley

Have I Seen It Before?: Never. Until it popped up on Netflix with a runtime and everything, I couldn’t be 100% sure that the movie wasn’t some sort of extended practical joke on the world. I’ve read plenty about the troubled making of the film, but even then I thought it was at least slightly possible that they just decided everyone would be better off not finishing the film at all.

Did I like it?: One cannot deny that Shelley Duvall is perfectly cast. One can really only point to Patrick Stewart’s run as Professor Charles Xavier for a more perfect fusion of established screen presence and iconic role.

The rest of the film is… Well, it’s not nearly as bad as its reputation has sometimes made it out to be.

Still, it’s not a great film, or even a good one. It’s flaws are not in the casting, to be sure (even Williams, who seems unusual casting for the role lives up to it with the help of prosthetics), or even the mere idea that no one ever needed a film based on any cartoon.

It’s more the spirit and energy with which this is all presented. Is it possible for someone to produce a musical by accident? Every song and accompanying dance number is mumbled in the moment as if there was no plan for what effect the filmmakers might have wanted. Given that the aforementioned troubled history indicates the films existence is an attempt for Paramount to compensate for losing the rights of the eventual Annie (1982) to Columbia. At least Annie was based on a Broadway show of some renown, while this appeared to come about as an afterthought, and it shows.

Aladdin (1992)

Director: Ron Clements, John Musker

Cast: Robin Williams, Scott Weinger, Linda Larkin, Gilbert Gottfried

Have I Seen it Before: As a child of the 90s, even if I hadn’t specifically sat down with the intention of watching it at any point, I would have absorbed all of its 90 minutes through sheer osmosis over the years.

Did I Like It: Coming off the heels of The Little Mermaid (1989), the animated Disney renaissance was in full swing by the time Robin Williams entered the recording studio. I wonder if this would have ultimately been a competent if unremarkable music if the film didn’t completely shift tones about halfway through and becomes another stand-up special for Williams. The plot zips through its obligatory Disney tropes to let Williams just bubble forth with words that may not fit in the film but are singular to its success.

How Disney could have soured its relationship with Williams and not made the Genie the new crown jewel of its empire in the 90s is an early example of the mismanagement that became the legacy of Michael Eisner’s tenure with the company. I’d say that the decision to produce a live-action remake with Will Smith in the role of the genie was a sign that the company has lost its mind now, but it made a boatload of money, so what do I know?

The filmmakers made an attempt to use the at that point still embryonic CGI technology to assist in some of the fluid motion in certain shots. At the time, they must have seemed new and exciting, but with nearly thirty years and approaching infinite number of exclusively CGI films since, the seams show, and it ages poorly. It’s a nitpicky thing to fixate on, sure, but when a film captures that old Disney magic, it’s hard to notice anything that doesn’t particularly work.

Now if they did go ahead and remake the film, one wonders if the magic would hold up. One wonders.