Rambo (2008)

Director: Sylvester Stallone

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Paul Schulze, Matthew Marsden

Have I Seen it Before: Oh sure.

Did I Like It: I keep struggling to come up with a conclusive, unifying opinion about this movie. It’s probably unnecessary in the larger mythos of Rambo, but than again that’s true of every movie in the series including that for which he is probably most well-known, Rambo: First Blood, Part II (1985).

It tries to bring the character to some kind of catharsis and redemption (indeed, a specifically religious one) to its main character, but at the same time can’t (and, if I’m being honest, probably shouldn’t) escape the series black heart, and still tries to leave things open for one more, even more bleak and embarrassing entry in the series.

And yet there’s a concerted effort to make a different kind of Rambo movie, here, and it’s surely to Stallone’s credit that this is the only film in the series which he helms himself. It’s somehow the most violent entry in the series (truly amazing, when glib, jingoistic carnage has been the most consistent fuel for each film) but that violence feels real. Others might find the verisimilitude of the viscera too much to handle and somehow less “fun” than what came before, but as unsure I am about the film, the one thing I am sure of is that those others are bad people. There is pain and terror with each splash of the bloodbath. It would be deeply insane to call this (or any of them) the most socially conscious Rambo film, but it is impossible to deny that Stallone has a visual perspective, understands the character—or what he has become in the cultural zeitgeist—and wants to do something with the film.

More so than any of the other films—aside from First Blood (1982)—this feels like a real, if flawed, film.

At least I won’t have to write a review of Rambo: Last Blood (2019) again. There’s only so much one can say about Rambo, right?

Rambo III (1988)

Director: Peter MacDonald

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure.

Did I Like It: There’s a weird irony here that the politics of this film are the ones that almost play out like a joke. I’d bet at least some amount of money that when things came to pass—and the Carolco bankruptcy and intellectual properties were all sorted out—on a fourth Rambo movie, there was at least some talk about the story for that film involving the friends and allies Rambo makes in this film suddenly becoming the villains. That movie would have been terrible, but it’s a reality I can’t quite avoid as this one unfurls. That and the fact that The Living Daylights (1987) covered a lot of the same ground and feels like a far less perfunctory entry in its respective series.

And it’s that perfunctory quality which brings me the most down on the whole thing. This could have—and let’s face it, is—an action story that could be filled by any other icon of the 80s. John McClane could have fought with the Mujahideen (and it wouldn’t have been all that different than the later films in that series). I’d have to double check (I’m not going to), but its entirely possible there is a Jack Ryan story set entirely in Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation. Any Chuck Norris/Jean-Claude Van Damme/Dolph Lundgren movie could have wound up there. It might have been a challenge to jam Conan the Barbarian, but an industrious (or profoundly lazy, take your pick) screenwriter could have gotten the job done. First Blood (1982) and—for better or worse—Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), and even the later stories are stories suited especially for him. This ain’t that.

But do you want to know what really struck me about the whole affair. We have no way to ask the man, but I get the distinct impression that Jerry Goldsmith was at best ambivalent about his contributions to Rambo-ology. There are several cues in this score which sound like they were pulled from a soundtrack to a Friday the 13th movie. At first, I thought I was only hearing it during scenes focusing on the occupying Soviets, but I know I heard it in one scene that focused on Rambo and Rambo alone wreaking his particular brand of destruction. It’s not a bad hit on the character, comparing him with a mindless, unkillable killer, but one wonders if Stallone even noticed the comparison.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Director: George P. Cosmatos

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Charles Napier, Steven Berkoff

Have I Seen it Before: Between cable and spending most of the 00s sitting on a couch, I was bound to catch the film by osmosis alone. And that’s not even counting the select scenes that are forever etched into my brain because they were featured in Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990).

Did I Like It: I like First Blood (1982) quite a bit, and I really, really, found Rambo: Last Blood (2019) to be one of the more annoying movies I ever had to sit through in recent years, to the point where I can’t quite account for how Stallone is still able to be a part of good movies.

So, where does this one land? It’s probably the most iconic outing for the character. When you think of Rambo, you’re probably half-remembering some scene from this movie above all others. That counts for something. A movie doesn’t become iconic without some kind of virtue raising that profile. Even The Room (2003) has an watchable quality.

And damned if I didn’t passively enjoy this film. Maybe its the James Cameron story providing the backbone for the script. Maybe it’s just the undeniable visceral (and sometimes filled with viscera) experience of seeing an angry man blow up as many people as possible with some kind of vaguely altruistic reason. I’m along for the ride, no matter how ridiculous it objectively is, and no matter how preposterously removed the character suddenly becomes from his origins*.

But it only lasts so long. After all of the violence is over, and Stallone feels an inexplicable need to drive home the “lesson” of it all, and I’m out. Completely. Matters are not helped even a little bit by the fact that with such treacle filling ones ears, it has to be drilled home even further by a Frank Stallone song… And not even a good one.

*Although, to be fair, not quite as insanely divorced as the animated series Rambo: The Force of Freedom, a subsequent attempt to jam David Morell’s novel into a G.I. Joe clone.

First Blood (1982)

Director: Ted Kotcheff

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Brian Dennehy, David Caruso

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure.

Did I Like It: Wildly—and I do mean wildly—inconsistent tiling of the series aside, is there a series that starts in a place so different than what it eventually (and almost immediately after this film’s runtime ends) becomes? Given that this first film that features Rambo (Stallone) portrays him as an live current of PTSD that eventually collapses into an emotional meltdown which subsequently leads to his surrender, I don’t think that other sharp left turn exists. It would be like Robocop spending his first film as a florist working through an oedipal complex.

That may read as snark, but I really think that makes this film fascinating. There are few major movie stars who have usually been fueled by their ego than Stallone, so those brief instances where he sheds that baggage* are stark and can’t be ignored.

The film also presents an interesting political paradox. In 2023 it’s hard to fathom a film that steadfastly sympathizes with Vietnam veterans (to the point of never really reckoning with the notion that the war should never have happened in the first place) and inescapably comes to the conclusion that all cops have a predilection for bastardy**.

Taken on its own merits, it’s hard to find fault in a movie that resoundingly embraces such conflicting ideas (that an action movie can approach any idea makes the whole affair seem quaint). It’s also so refreshing that Stallone leaved well enough alone and let the film stand on its own for all time…

Oh, wait. Not only does he compulsively and irrationally go back to the well here, to the point where endless bouts as Rocky seem restrained by comparison… But I took the bait and bought the entire series on iTunes. Now I have to watch them. I have nothing but dread in my bones. All I can hope is that Rambo will kill me swiftly before I bring myself to watch Rambo: Last Blood (2019) again.

*Even the early Rocky films can’t completely shed this impulse, only Creed (2015) comes anywhere close.

**At least those not played by David Caruso…

Rambo: Last Blood (2019)

Director: Adrian Grünberg

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Paz Vega, Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Adriana Barraza

Have I Seen it Before: Nope. Reviews were pretty toxic so it just floated right past me.

Did I Like It: And I’m not entirely certain it deserves such a toxic review. It is no worse than my memories of the next most recent entry in the series, Rambo (2008), and I’d challenge another series whose clear heyday was in the 80s to make an entry that doesn’t serve to completely embarrass everyone involved. John Rambo kills a lot of people in an endless series of squib explosions and with an uncontrollable ferocity. It’s not like the recipe for one of these films is complex. One might feel the need to complain about the racist undercurrent through the film, but that probably disingenuously ignoring the rest of the franchise.

I say the movie only manages to avoid complete embarrassment, because it isn’t like I don’t feel a little bit bad for Stallone at the end of this one. For anyone looking for anything remotely on the same scale as Ryan Coogler’s Creed (2015), prepare yourself for disappointment. Then again, those constantly expecting a film as good as Creed are going to spend the majority of their movie-going time living with disappointment. Did we need to know more about what happened to John Rambo (Stallone) after he returned to his family home? Better yet, did we need this film to leave things open for yet another improbably sequel? The story seems so incidental to the character as depicted in First Blood (1982) that I can’t help but wonder if this was a script languishing in some B-movie producers library before someone got around to doing a Control-F and replacing Rambo with a role that could have easily been played by any aging action star.

I can’t seem to find any reference to back it up, but I have the strongest memory that at some point that there was plan to have Rambo square off with an alien invader. Now that would have been a film worth writing home about.