Die Another Day (2002)

Director: Lee Tamahori

Cast: Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Toby Stephens, Rosamund Pike

Have I Seen It Before: Yes, but you know what? I’m reasonably sure this was the only Bond film since Goldeneye (1995) that I didn’t see in the theater. I actually followed the production a little bit, it coming about in that era when one could passively take an interest in a developing film. And yet, when the film came out, I was probably dealing with just a little bit too much disappointment and heartache that winter—I’m looking in your direction, Star Trek Nemesis (2002)--to even bring myself to a second-run theater.

Did I Like It: It’s Brosnan’s worst film, right? One could make an argument for The World Is Not Enough (1999) but all of those arguments feel wrong. But as much as I can complain about the film and lament it as a dissonant note for the Irishman to leave on, there is plenty to like here.

The opening plot developments—which see 007 (Brosnan) captured on a mission to North Korea—are pretty brilliant on two fronts. First, it lays Bond low so that he can spend the rest of the film clawing his way back. Right there you have some forward momentum that can separate the pretty good Bond adventures from the positively dreary ones. Second, without dwelling on the matter too much, it gives a rationale for a post-9/11 Bond story by implying he was a prisoner during that moment in time.

His eventual release from the North Korean prison gives Brosnan some of his best moments as the character. Never has a man had such (embarrassingly aspirational) swagger as when he uses the power of his mind to overcome long-term scorpion venom exposure, very real PTSD, and malnutrition to escape a British prison and check in to the finest hotel in Hong Kong while still dripping wet and wearing hospital clothes. There is something so quintessentially Bond about him walking into that hotel like he owns the place that I’m almost prepared to view the whole film positively.

But then things go differently. The film’s in a spot of trouble by the time we get a needle drop of “London Calling” (I tend to imagine a British audience rolling their eyes, and I am right there with them). A scene with Q (John Cleese) serves more as a wacky obituary for Desmond Llewelyn. Then there’s Madonna. I don’t get Madonna. I never have. I’ve certainly never bought her in any film role outside of maybe A League of Their Own (1992). I even kind of like her theme song—and feeling the theme song will paper over large parts of some other films in the series—but the moment she shows up in the film as a fencing instructor, we are firmly in Roger Moore territory. Then there’s an Ice Hotel, an invisible car, and a parasailing sequence that I can’t imagine anyone would have been happy with twenty-plus years ago. It was almost as if Joel Schumacher had directed the whole thing*.

Which is right about when this film becomes clear in my head. The first half is a pretty good Fleming-heavy Connery film made with some allowances for modern audiences. The second half is a love-fest for Moore, which was never going to play with me. That’s not the worst notion to have when considering how to celebrate the series 40th anniversary. If they could have only managed to blend the two elements a bit better, the film wouldn’t feel as if it were lurching in tone. As EON looks to Bond 26, there’s room for flashes of Moore-fun in the post-Craig era. Just leave the parasailing behind. Please.

*I’m strangely not reflexively opposed to the impossible idea of Schumacher directing a Moore film in the 80s…

The World Is Not Enough (1999)

Director: Michael Apted

Cast: Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau, Robert Carlyle, Denise Richards

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure. It was twenty-five years ago, and I can’t remember the precise details about that Christmas season, but I do have the distinct memory of being stuck at the mall for a number of hours, and managed to pull away from whatever was going on to go catch a screening.

Did I Like It: As with most of the Pierce Brosnan Bond films, twenty-five years ago I remember thinking that the post-gun barrel pre-title sequence was a well-crafted little thriller. The succeeding film meanders through perfunctory scenes, punctuated by an occasional ambition to give some depth to Bond that was never going to be fully realized until they were able to re-boot things entirely with Casino Royale (2006).

I’m pretty much feeling that same way now. Renard (Carlyle) is an interesting villain, but oddly enough may have worked better in a novel than it does in film. Having him already essentially dead might have fueled several good chapters trying to get into the head of someone who has already died but is losing sensation after sensation as he slowly loses consciousness. In a film, it removes any sort of pretense to tension, and makes him essentially invulnerable for those moments where he has to exchange blows with Brosnan.

Dame Judi Dench clearly wielded her power well going into this film. Having a number of juicy scenes to play in Goldeneye (1995), she spent most of Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) doing control-room schtick that wouldn’t have challenged Bernard Lee or Robert Brown in earlier films. Here, she has a very real role in the story and even plays into the action as it unfolds. Yet another example of the series’ ambitions that were waiting for Craig.

On the “Bond Girl”* front, it is a mixed bag. Sophie Marceau plays an interesting character, archly named in the best Bond tradition. She is full of as close to surprises as this era of the franchise is likely to get, and Marceau clearly understand the best parts of the assignment at hand. Then there’s Denise Richards. Whoo, boy. It’s not so much that she’s bad casting for a nuclear scientist (she is, but at least she has a good sense of humor about it, as evidence by her later appearances on 30 Rock), but it is that her performance is so perfunctory that she makes Britt Eklund and Tanya Roberts look like possible heirs to… Well, Dame Judi Dench, now that I think about it.

*It almost feels like that term should be trademarked, no?

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Director: Roger Spottiswoode

Cast: Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce, Michelle Yeoh, Teri Hatcher

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, yes. In that far flung winter of 1997, I actually lost ten bucks to Ben Owen, when I bet him that this would be the bigger film than the other wide release that weekend, beating out a little film that already had a reputation of going significantly over budget and being delayed by the studio.

The movie was Titanic (1997).

I bet against Cameron, and I got what I deserved. But you’re damned right I was in the theater for this one on opening weekend, for all the good it did me.

Did I Like It: I’ve kind of soured on Brosnan’s films in the series in recent years. The more interesting parts of his four films were greatly improved on by Daniel Craig’s films, and the worst impulses adopted too much of Roger Moore for my taste. It was entirely possible that this era of the series best contributions would be to video games more than anything else. I’ll be honest that I thought I would just have this movie on in the background*, but I found the pre-title sequence to be a delight and was drawn into the film.

But then I kind of lost interest in a mishmash of truly terrible CGI and Teri Hatcher. I was getting a little bored. This wasn’t helped very much by the occasional diving sequence, which can absolutely suck the life out of otherwise great Bond films. Just ask Thunderball (1965). That is probably pretty close to the review I would have given the film in the 90s.

But the film is not without its charms. And by that I mean Michelle Yeoh. She more than equals Brosnan’s swagger and ability. All of the times the Eon powers that be threatened to offer Bond spinoffs, I really wish they would have pulled the trigger here. More Yeoh is good for everyone.

*I’d probably be first in line to see if the film re-entered theaters for any spell of time. I could win that ten bucks back yet.

GoldenEye (1995)

Director: Martin Campbell

Cast: Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Izabella Scorupco, Famke Janssen

Have I Seen It Before?: I may be the only person my relative age who has seen the movie, more than he has played the seminal Nintendo 64 video game, which itself was released in August of 1997, just a few months before the release of the films sequel, Tomorrow Never Dies (1997). Now you know.

Did I like it?: It’s clearly Brosnan’s best attempt in the role, buying him a measure of goodwill that would get him through the odious, Roger Moore-esque valley that was his swan song, Die Another Day (2002). If he had been more present and awake for his remaining three films in the series, he might have been in the running to rival Sean Connery himself.

Goldeneye is an interesting relic of its time. In the six years since the release—the longest between entries in the series—of Timothy Dalton’s last shot at the role, License to Kill (1989) the Berlin Wall fell, the Soviet Union collapsed, and the machismo that had been core to the series up until this point started to feel passé. 

Some wondered if there was room for Bond in such a brave new world.

Which is hilarious, when one realizes that the far more scary and insidious threats were still in our future, and that the era of sexual harassment was not only not over, but was reaching its peak, Clinton-led golden age, and Bronsan is more than equal to the task of lecherously and sort of absent-mindedly forcing himself on women left and right.

The film also has some weird elements that age it squarely in the mid-90s.

Is it possible that Boris Grishenko (Alan Cumming) is the worst computer hacker ever to be conceived by 1990s film (a steep competition, to be sure)? His passwords are easily guessed words from the English dictionary, it appears one has an unlimited number of guesses to gain access to his systems, his fingers dance insanely over just a few keys of any keyboard (admittedly, he’s not alone among 90s movies hackers on that front), and when things inevitably go south for him in the third act, he takes out his frustrations with a monitor, like that is going to do something to re-set the guidance system of the GoldenEye weapon.

Also, the music is little weird. The theme, strangely written by Bono and The Edge, but performed by Tina Turner is fine, but apparently the production was somewhat disjointed, and the score reflects nothing of the melodies introduced in the theme. And then there is that score. Oh, man, that score, though. Long gone is the sweeping dramatic scores of John Barry and in its place is an occasionally off-putting faux techno score from French composer that felt vaguely antiquated at the time of release. As much as the rest of the film is strong, the music throughout may be the weakest throughout any of the 50-year-plus history of the series. I’ve often thought that a good score can make a film—for instance, Halloween (1978) borders on unwatchable with John Carpenter’s music—and one wonders if this could have been one of the absolute greatest in the series if John Barry could have been persuaded to return.

Mars Attacks (1996)

Director: Tim Burton

Cast: Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Annette Benning, Pierce Brosnan, Everyone

Have I Seen it Before: Oh Sure.

Did I Like It: It’s exactly the movie it wants to be, and if some people can’t appreciate that, I certainly can.

The text of this review appeared previously in a blog post entitled “How Could No One Else Like These Movies? Part Two, But With No Electric Boogaloo.” published 04/30/2017.

Quick. Name your favorite alien invasion movie of 1996. The Arrival starring Charlie Sheen. Close, but not quite. Contact? Not an alien invasion movie, and wasn’t even released in ’96! Come on, folks. Get it together! 

Of course, most of you named Independence Day, and you’re still wrong. Roland Emmerich’s urban destruction-fest is so removed from any sense of irony, that it’s almost impossible to bear. On the other hand, Tim Burton’s running B-movie homage—à la the epic comedies of the ‘60s like It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963)—has a cast of what feels like thousands. Pam Grier! Tom Jones! Quarterback* Jim Brown! Also, Jack Nicholson channels his inner Peter Sellers and pulls double roles as the beleaguered American President James Dale, and casino developer Art Land**. What’s not to love? 

Apparently, in the golden age of irony that was the 1990s, there wasn’t room for such a movie. But guys (and ladies), let’s get real. It’s a big Tim Burton movie that doesn’t have Johnny Depp putting a new wig through a shakedown cruise***. How many more of those are we likely to get?

*Which I'm told is some kind of footballman.

**Were the movie made today, those two roles could be filled by the same character. Courage, folks. We’ll get through this together.

***To be fair, Nicholson goes through at least two wigs in the movie, but it’s not like that became his whole life from that point on.