Flash Gordon (1980)

Director: Mike Hodges

Cast: Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, Max von Sydow, Timothy Dalton

Have I Seen It Before: Never.

Did I Like It: It’s probably one of those films that you had to take in at an early age, and then spend the rest of your life passionately and without reason*, and I came to it far too late. Even the always-welcome presence of Timothy Dalton (doing his best to not look vaguely embarrassed by the proceedings) can’t ultimately turn me around on it.

And really, I should be in the mood for it, right? I’ve been on a pulpy-action kick as of late, and if there is a film pulpier than this, I’m not sure it ought to be released to an unsuspecting public.

So why doesn’t it work for me. I offer three potential explanations. It feels like it is straddling two different eras of this type of film, with Star Wars – Episode IV: A New Hope (1977) being the line of demarcation. Before Star Wars, anything with even an ounce of pulp in it was treated as not just an adventure film, but exclusively children’s fare. See Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze (1975) for the last (great?) example. After Star Wars, every movie was at least trying to be Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). Flash Gordon has a lot of the big budget trappings (minus a handful of some of the dodgier SFX of the era), but never seems like its willing to make the pulse pound any more than it might otherwise. Some might call it camp, but it may have taken us a couple of years to learn this lesson**, but camp needs to be funny, and this ain’t it.

This might have all been covered up if Gordon himself (Jones) could carry the day through with his charisma. The Shadow (1994) might in fact be a terrible movie, if it weren’t for the fact that Baldwin took his obligations as an authentic movie star seriously for the last time. I understand the stiff-as-a-board qualities of Jones aren’t necessarily his fault, as Dino De Laurentiis chased him off before filming ended, but it is hard to ignore it.

But really? I’m just annoyed that Flash plays football vocationally. I’m not sure I get sci-fi fans thinking that’s a plus.

*I say that without judgment. I’ve got those films, too. Short Circuit (1986) comes to mind. Let’s not bring Batman (1989) into this if we can help it.

*After we fully internalized the implications of Batman (1966) and Batman & Robin (1997).

Get Carter (1971)

Director: Mike Hodges

Cast: Michael Caine, Ian Hendry, Britt Ekland, John Osborne

Have I Seen it Before: Never, but oddly enough, I have the most profound memory of, the year 2000. I was a high school sophomore, knew I wanted to make movies, and the generally reviled remake with Stallone in the title role was released. In the absolutely transcendent collection of screenplays housed at the Tulsa Central Library* was a tiny paperback printing of the screenplay for this film. Absorbing every script I could get my hands on, I read it cover to cover. It seemed so cool, being lethal and uncaring, and more than willing to smooth everything over by throwing a few notes at the malcontents.

Those are the sorts of things with which a sixteen-year-old is impressed.

Did I Like It: And Caine is the height of cool in the movie as presented. Scowling and snakelike, it’s easy to forget with turns as Alfred Pennyworth and Ebenezer Scrooge to Muppets, it’s hard to forget he would have made a gutsy, spot-on James Bond back in the day.

The film, too, largely threads that tricky needle of appearing largely timeless. With it’s possibly British preoccupation with shadowy photography and subdued fashions, there are a few fleeting moments where the film feels like a product of the early seventies, but it is an early seventies that feels closer to our own time. It is a thin, ruthless film, not unlike it’s hateful protagonist.

But then, it also has a finale that is equal parts inevitable and surprising. For all of his bluster, Carter (Caine) is obliterated despite his successful revenge. Can a film be bleakly violent, and absolutely hopeless in its outlook, and somehow still deeply moral in its handling of fate? Probably not anymore.

And, in case you think that is more “old man yelling at a cloud” fodder, that was probably (and I thought was) true back in 2000 when Stallone took over the role and I was sixteen.

*Which, naturally, in the name of progress and renovation has been relegated to their basement, as some of the volumes clearly don’t look like they were published in the last six months. The books are still available, just not available to browse, so that the library can also have a flight simulator, apparently. It’s a crying shame. In other news: old man yells at cloud.