Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Director: Guy Ritchie

Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure. Some of you might have a hard time remembering, but in the late aughts, early twenty-tens, you were actually subject to being charged with a misdemeanor if you missed the theatrical run of a Robert Downey Jr. movie.

Did I Like It: Is the film great, or is it just that hard to screw up an adventure with Holmes and Watson*? Purists may want to blanche at any number of decisions made here. An American playing the detective is the kind of uncertain choice people might harp upon. Other Americans have played the role, to be sure, and while Downey manages to bring his breezy torrent of cool behavior to the role, there’s something in his attempt at an accent that makes one wonder if he ever really shook off the immersion he attempted in Chaplin (1992).

Jamming the stories of Conan Doyle into an almost obsessively paint-by-numbers action movie might draw some complaints as well. It’s fundamentally a buddy-cop movie. We see a big set piece in the early minutes of the film, and sure enough, it is the backdrop for the climax. To remind us all that it is indeed the late 2000s/early-2010s, Mark Strong plays our starter villain, and hints are strewn about that if we all avoided our potential misdemeanors, Holmes and Watson will face off against their rightful villain here in a couple of years.

And yet, it all kind of works. I had a good time then, and I have a good time now. Maybe Downey is really that charming. Maybe—and I really do think this is the answer—it is, indeed, a far loftier challenge to screw up Sherlock Holmes than we might have originally thought.

*Will Ferrell and company managed to get the job done in Holmes & Watson (2018), but the less said about that, the happier we all will be.

Shazam! (2019)

Director: David F. Sandberg

Cast: Zachary Levi, Mark Strong, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer

Have I Seen it Before: This review is coming in a little late. Something about the DC films have left me in less than hurry to catch new entries. For the life of me, I can’t remember what that is.

Did I Like It: You know, it’s a funny thing.

Occasionally I like to escape for a matinee at the local second-rate theater. No, I did not mean second-run. That species has very suddenly become a thing of the past. The second-rate theater is the place that doesn’t have the amenities of the modern theater. No one will bring you cheese fries. There is not an IMAX screen or 3D projector in sight. There aren’t even stadium seats here, it’s that old. I realize that stadium seating in movie theaters is far from a new thing, but it still feels like a recent development, like when Monica and Chandler got together on Friends. Now that I think about it, both of those things happened at the same time.

I do not mean to disparage the essence of the second-rate theater. Especially during a matinee, no one bothers me. I am alone in a cold room—this, of course, before theaters got seat warmers—drinking a Pepsi and eating popcorn that is already doing a serious number on my stomach lining.

It is heaven.

Today, wasn’t so much that experience. I got to the screening a few minutes late. I hate to walk in on a movie that has already started, but I’m reasonably sure I might have missed all of the trailers, and only a minute of the actual movie. I’ll live with that. There were… children in the theater. At least two, but as many as three of them. And they were chatty as all hell. I don’t like that so much.

Every plot point—hell, every moment—in the movie elicited frantic, full throated questions. By the time the third act came around, the kids were screaming as if they were experiencing—not watching, mind you—Dave Bowman entering the monolith. How long has it been since I reacted to a movie like that? I’ll admit I shirk this responsibility more than most supposed adults, but I’m kinda required to keep my shit together in public.

I guess I just really like going to the movies.

Oh, you might want to know if this particular movie was any good. It was fine. Zachary Levi has been polishing his man-child comedic charm for years. It is brought to full realization here. The villain (Strong), whom I’ve already forgotten the name of, is a little bland, and it’s maybe twenty minutes too long.

But you wouldn’t have been able to tell the kid in my screening any of that.