Director: S. J. Clarkson
Cast: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celest O’Connor
Have I Seen it Before: What could possibly possess me to do such a thing?
Did I Like It: As my new podcast, Say Something Nice! proceeds through its first season, I knew some titles were going to inspire some dread. Morbius (2022) sur inspired such feelings, but then I remembered that this film was waiting for me. Even with that earlier film, the performers seem to have had the intent to entertain, even if the film never quite came together.
Here, and under remarkable similar circumstances, one gets the sense that each and every cast member—yes, including Adam Scott as the future Uncle Ben*—realized suddenly that they had not been listening too terribly close to their agent, and agreed far too quickly to any old superhero film and just had to hope that the thing would release and be forgotten without doing any damage to their careers. It almost makes sense that Dakota Johnson is at the head of this endeavor, as her screen and public persona is predicated on most possible detached irony at any given moment.
One might press me for some pontification about the film’s story, and just as soon as the filmmakers come up with one, I’ll be happy to break a long-standing rule and re-review for a film I’ve already reviewed or update an existing review. Nothing happens of any consequence, despite their being a lot of clarevoyance about things that might one day happen.
Kraven can’t be this bad, can it? Only one way to find out, I suppose.
*I’ve been scratching my head about what to make my particular Say Something Nice for the eventual episode recording, and it might have just occurred to me: Of all the Spider-Man spin-offs no one really asked for, this one almost, almost fits into the established mythos of an existing screen Spider-Man, although even that only works out after extensive re-shoots shifted the film’s setting from the 1990s to 2003. No one bothered to cancel the clearance for The Cranberries’ Dreams, which more than any other song establishes that something takes place in the 1990s. Boy, is that a relief.