That Thing You Do! (1996)

Director: Tom Hanks

Cast: Tom Everett Scott, Liv Tyler, Johnathon Scheach, Tom Hanks

Have I Seen It Before: Oh, sure. I was alive in 1996. In that far flung land of long ago, we welcomed that little ditty, as it saved us—or at least freed us—from months of vagaries at the hands of “Macarena.”

Did I Like It: There’s a number of things I’d like to talk about with Tom Hanks if we were in a private conversation. What typewriter is best? Who is the best character on For All Mankind* and why is it Molly Cobb? Was he ever really hovering around the Zefram Cochrane role in Star Trek: First Contact (1996)?

Also, the big question I would have for him, before I would annoy him in a Chris Farley show-like spiral: Did he write this movie for himself years earlier for him to play Guy? Because Scott is really channeling that pre-Philadelphia, post-Bosom Buddies Tom Hanks energy. Maybe it’s the kind of movie you only get to make after you’ve won two Best Actor Oscars in a row, but it is so breezily charming, that it becomes a perfect distillation of the movie star persona behind it.

But that’s all it is: likable. Maybe it doesn’t need to be anything more than that, but maybe the bigger question is whether or not Hanks really wanted to direct movies, or just saw the opportunity to try it on for size. Some stars like Eastwood and Redford started directing and never looked back. Shatner only did it only because Nimoy got to. Hanks is somewhere in the middle.

But damn if that song isn’t catchy as hell. I’d like to see Eastwood try to write a hit. No, on second thought, I’ve seen Paint Your Wagon (1969). No, I don’t. Everybody is doing exactly what they are supposed to.

*Don’t tell me he doesn’t watch…

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Director: Peter Jackson

Cast: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Liv Tyler, Viggo Mortensen

Have I Seen it Before: I expressed during my review for The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) that I’m not entirely sure if I’ve seen anything beyond The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), which I have a very clear memory of seeing during its theatrical run. With The Two Towers, that was largely because I thought the middle-part of Middle Earth just dragged through its massive runtime with nothing but incident to recommend it, but here…?

Did I Like It: Here, I’m not sure I’ve seen this one before because after nearly its nearly 4 1/2 hours runtime, I actually kind of sort of liked it?

I know, I was as surprised as anyone else…

I always thought that my lack of enjoyment for the series in the past had stemmed from the fact that I had never read the original Tolkien text. Before this viewing, I did just that. Maybe that helped? Hard to tell.

Yes, there are stretches where I feel like both Tolkien and Jackson are content to spin their wheels while a conclusion to the saga looms (willfully?) just beyond their reach, but once things finally move on, the story takes on a great poignancy. That might have been predictable, as I’ve often expressed my antipathy to the series largely stems from my essential Hobbit-ness. The fact that I actually enjoy scenes set in the Shire a great deal, and can never quite understand why anyone would leave. Once things return to Hobbiton, I’m having a good time again.

But then everyone decides to take the last boat out of Rivendell* and I’m still left scratching my head. Why leave? Thus, I’ve come full circle.

*Which I could hear a thousand time—and probably did—and each time think they’re saying “Riverdale” and I keep thinking of, well, not the TV show but the actual Archie comics. I come to these movies (and the story) differently.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Director: Peter Jackson

Cast: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Liv Tyler, Viggo Mortensen

Have I Seen it Before: Sure? I eschewed everything after The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) during their theatrical run, but having been married to a dyed-in-the-wool Tolkienite for ten years, I’m sure I must have sit through it at some point.

Did I Like It: That’s not exactly the most upbeat note to begin a review on, no? The middle part of movie trilogies have a problem. They are all noise and incident, serving mainly as connective tissue between the stirring opening and the rousing conclusion. Even Star Wars - Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980), for all of its strengths is largely an assembly of connections, topped with a surprise ending that hasn’t really been a surprise to anyone in over 40 years. It might be controversial to say, but aside from the freeway sequence, I don’t think The Matrix Reloaded (2003) had much that happened in at all. Even Back to the Future - Part II (1989) stands as an incomplete story, but I enjoy that world and characters so much, that it fails to diminish my enjoyment of the film even a little bit.

And I think that’s the standard which dictates how much someone will enjoy the part two of a trilogy. The Tolkien cycle never has and, at this point, likely never will hit me on the same level as it does the most of you. Thus, this becomes my least favorite in the series. This will seem vaguely sacrilegious to some, mainly my wife who counts this as her favorite in the series. She’s probably reading this now and shaking her head, even if she’s not surprised by the judgment. Hi, honey. We’ll get to The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) here in a minute. I love you.

Anyway, the main meat of Gollum’s (Andy Serkis) contributions to the story are here, but aside from that, everyone seems mainly consumed with battles that aren’t the real battles they will have to deal with in the next film.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings (2001)

Director: Peter Jackson

Cast: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellan, Liv Tyler, Viggo Mortensen

Have I Seen it Before: Sure. Hell, I was there on opening weekend. That was mainly because there wasn’t much else to do on that particular Friday night. If you happened to be in that particular auditorium, I was the one who laughed when Frodo (Wood) used the alias Mr. Underhill.

But that was only because it was the same alias Chevy Chase used at the country club in Fletch (1985).

Yes, I was that guy. It’s nice to see you again. I sure hope I didn’t ruin the movie for you.

Did I Like It: Look, I’m not the guy for Tolkien. Yes, I’ve read the books, but only recently. I’m not much for world building for the sake of world building, thus the Middle Earth canon and most of high fantasy just misses me.

But then again, this might very well be my favorite of all the Peter Jackson Tolkien films. I think that’s mainly because, for all of the sturm and drang that accompanies these stories, I always feel the proceedings lose something imminently pleasant when they leave the shire. I want to stay there and be among the hobbits. I’m not much for farming, but a good meal, and enough peace and quiet to write a book or seven suits me just fine. These adventures we keep getting dragged on run just a bit too long, and searches for far too many endings than one story ought to hold. Yes, the pictures are pretty. Yes, the actors play their parts well. Yes, the music is stirring. But I think I’ll stay here if it’s all the same to you.

Oh, you know what? It’s become abundantly clear I’m just Bilbo. That’s why this all hits a little bit different for me. I’m Bilbo. Everyone else can carry on. I’ll see you all in the third movie.

Empire Records (1995)

Director: Allan Moyle

Cast: Anthony LaPaglia, Maxwell Caulfield, Liv Tyler, Renée Zellweger

Have I Seen It Before?: For a movie that made just over $300,000 at the box office during its original theatrical run, it sure has a regular run in my house. I’ve also noticed that Rex Manning Day is like the only holiday people born in the 80s can agree on?

Yes, I’ve seen it. With unusual frequency.

Did I like it?: It is, without any irony, my wife’s favorite movie. Like, better than everything else. I know. That’s enough to recommend it, and apparently enough for me to watch it multiple times.

It is not my favorite movie, however. It’s not my favorite grungy-day-in-the-retail-life-with-a-curated-soundtrack film from the mid-90s. A movie like Clerks (1994), for all of its flaws and the irritation it brought to humanity, had an authentic youth-oriented voice*, whereas nearly second of this film’s runtime seems orchestrated to get us kids to buy a soundtrack album that doesn’t even have the common decency to have the Jimi Hendrix version of “Hey Joe.” The whole film is a mishmash of storylines, many of which never reach their conclusion. Even “Saved by the Bell” concluded their character’s addiction to uppers before moving on with other things. I’m not sure where many of the characters might be if they were revisited 25 years later, but I’d be willing to go out on a limb that both the record store is long since gone, and Corey Mason crashed real hard sometime in 1996.

It is, however, my favorite grungy-day-in-the-retail-life-with-a-curated-soundtrack movie from 1995 that is riding the coattails of Clerks. Sorry, Mallrats (1995). Also, every time I see the scene where Mark (Ethan Embry) imagines he both joins and then is maimed by the members of GWAR makes me laugh every time. Also, upon watching the end credits this time, it doesn’t seem like there was nearly as many entries in the soundtrack from the Warner Catalogue as I once thought. Maybe it isn’t 90 minutes of corporate synergy?

*A term that could only be written by someone who is at least in their late thirties. We’re all Joe now, aren’t we?