Prom Night (1980)

Director: Paul Lynch

Cast: Leslie Nielsen, Jamie Lee Curtis, Casey Stevens, Michael Tough

Have I Seen it Before: Never. In the last few months I’ve been trawling the world for new movies to suggest for Beyond the Cabin in the Woods but have been coming up a little bit short. Movies recommended against all odds don’t play the same decades later. Others that are curiosities remain only that, curiosities.

Did I Like It: And I’m not much of a fan of this film either. I’m going to have a hard time not thinking about how much I would rather be watching Halloween (1978) whenever I’m watching any slasher film, and Curtis’ presence only makes the comparisons impossible to overcome. This is not nearly the ruthless thriller that made her a star. It’s got much more in common with the Friday the 13th series, even if it winds up being marginally more satisfying than any of those films. I even find it wanting in comparison to Halloween II (1981), but that’s probably more a measure of my unreasonable nostalgia for that film than anything else.

The film doesn’t try to avoid those comparisons, either. Further problems are added when it does absolutely nothing to avoid comparisons to both Saturday Night Fever (1977) and Carrie (1976). It’s trying to eat the leftovers of so many different contemporary films that it might as well be a Bond film. I’m surprised the students of Hamilton High didn’t end up in outer space by the end of the film, as the kids must have been real wild about Star Wars - Episode IV: A New Hope (1977) right about that moment.

And yet, I may end up recommending the film to the podcast. As I mentioned, I kind of liked it for its schlocky self more than any attempt from Jason Voorhees, and we’ve already done the original entry of that series on the show. Leslie Nielsen is there, and that’s always good to see. It’s also a little less consumed with the onslaught of mayhem for which other films in the genre desperately reach. It is a legitimate attempt at a revenge thriller story, even if it isn’t the best it possibly could be.

Airplane! (1980)

Director: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker

Cast: Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Peter Graves, Leslie Nielsen

Have I Seen It Before: Oh, sure. I always preferred Airplane Ii: The Sequel (1982), but then again I was ten, and not terribly bright. But this film had the first pair of boobs I had ever seen legitimately. Man alive, PG really meant something different back in the day.

Did I Like It: This movie has a lot to answer for. It was a big—and far more importantly, relatively cheap—hit, and as often happens in these cases, the wrong lessons were learned. Thus, they make an army of similar movies, that’s why in the early aughts*, you got an endless series of “spoof” movies that were just an endless series of the same old gags reproduced over and over again. I’ll admit, Scary Movie (2000) probably has quite a bit of blame in that combination, but it’s sort of like blaming the parents of Typhoid Mary for what happened after. But now that I think about it, if Typhoid Papa and Typhoid Mama taught the apple of their eye about proper disease prevention…

This is the part where all of the passengers line up to beat me senseless, right?

Anyway, what separates this from all of the immitators that came to follow? One might be tempted to say that the ZAZ team is the secret ingredient, but all of them eventually went on to make films that were far more part of the problem than not. For every Naked Gun that was to come, there were also An American Carol (2008), Rat Race (2001) (which I didn’t hate, but didn’t love), and even a few of those Scaries Movie (that’s how you pluralize those) in there two.

I think the true secret ingredient that got forgotten along the way was not the act of making a story around the gag that is special in and of itself, but having an  (even if it is a bizarre sense of) affection for the types of movies being sent up. These early movies understood that the best spoof movies that have an affection for that with which they poke fun. Mel Brooks understood that, especially in the earlier years of his career. Those guys who I can’t even be bothered to look up who are trucking in those types of films these days. They’re just a few steps away from an AI engine randomly spitting out things that might have otherwise been tagged as humor.

Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)

Director: Peter Segal

Cast: Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, George Kennedy, O.J. Simpson

Have I Seen It Before?: I wrote in my review of The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991) that the first two films in the series had largely conflated to the point where I was not sure I had seen either of the films all the way through at all. Here, I have no memory of the film that plays out and am reasonably sure I’ve never seen it at all.

Did I like it?: And I’m not necessarily sure that I was missing much.

Things open well enough with an extended homage to Battleship Potemkin (1925). Okay, it’s actually an extended reference to The Untouchables (1987), but I’m trying to give the film credit for at least aping a film that itself was aping high art. I also spent a few moments wondering how they managed to get a camera inside of a pinball machine for the ubiquitous police siren opening titles, but sometimes its best to let the magic of cinema wash over you.

From there, I’m witness to only a few moments of mirth. In fact, the biggest laugh the film got out of me was a throw-away gag where the words “Police Squad” were painted in different directions on a door window, so that only one words looked backwards. The non-sequiturs fly amusingly at the climax staged against the Academy Awards, but that’s slim pickings, if you ask me. Just a few lines from Anna Nicole Smith, and I’m immediately stuck by how much I underestimated Priscilla Presley’s competence as a film actress. It definitely doesn’t help that it is revealed at the end that her character has a penis, which inspires Drebin to become physical sick. With this film and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994), what the hell was with 1994? That doesn’t even begin to cover the O.J. Simpson of it all.

One can’t help but wonder if this film was the first step in the long slow decline that was the career of Leslie Nielsen. Oh well, we’ll always have Airplane (1980) and for that matter, Forbidden Planet (1956).

The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991)

Director: David Zucker

Cast: Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, O.J. Simpson, Robert Goulet

Have I Seen It Before?: Yes?

Did I like it?: And the answer to that last question is part of the problem, I think.

I have no memories of sitting down to watch the sequel to The Naked Gun: From The Files of Police Squad! (1988) from beginning to end, but there are elements of it I do remember. I remember the litany of physical abuse delivered upon First Lady Barbara Bush (Margery Ross). I remember Zsa Zsa Gabor having an altercation with the police lights during the opening credits. For the most part, I remember Goulet, who is competent in a thankless role, but has no hope of challenging Ricardo Montalbán for arch movie villainy perfected.

And that would certainly damn the movie with faint praise. The bits in this series are interchangeable so much so that I’m completely uncertain as to whether or not I have ever seen Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994). Those gags that did manage to cut through were the muted political material. The jokes at the expense not only of Bush and early 90s Republicans, but still smarting from the rout suffered by Michael Dukakis in 1988. I chuckled at them from the perspective of my own status as a political junky, but even by 91’ it seemed like ancient history. Those jokes age all the worse when one thinks about the deep dive into the other side of the aisle director David Zucker took scarcely ten years later with GOP hackwork and dreck like An American Carol (2008).

And then there’s OJ. Not a single second of his screen time could ever play the way it was intended. It’s odd that ever moment he’s in both of these movies, he’s being injured, as if in some other life he committed some kind of great transgression against humanity.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

Director: David Zucker

Cast: Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, Ricardo Montalbán, George Kennedy

Have I Seen it Before: Sure. 

Did I Like It: Is it the last great entry in the now long-since past its prime film parody genre? Here, the gags hit more than they miss. Nielsen continues to live his best life by embracing the oblivious straight man to unrestrained laziness he would continue to play for the rest of his days. The sequels were varying degrees of acceptable, but after this came a litany of entries in the “BLANK Movie” series content to merely reference the topics their lampooning, while at the same time forgetting to actually be funny in their own right. Those movies then went on to begat the execrable Cinema Sins and Honest Trailers Youtube videos. I’ve been to the future, and those videos will eventually lead to the highly advanced, but ultimately misanthropic supercomputers eventually responsible for the unravelling of all human society.

It’s likely unfair to judge a movie for the unintentional crimes it later inflicted on humanity, which is a perfect time to touch on the topic of this, O.J. Simpson’s most famous cinematic role. He’s likable enough and not asked to do much in the comedic arena other than mug for the camera and get shot and maimed. He’s amiable enough and game enough to not get in the movie’s way, although a plot (such as a movie like this could even have a plot) that hinges around proving O.J. Simpson’s innocence aged terribly within just a few years of the original release.

And yet, there is one element of the film that will forever be the right choice. Human society could collapse in on itself, and making Ricardo Montalbán your villain will always, always be the right choice.

Also, there’s only like two absurd credit items during the final crawl. I’m not sure whether to label it a missed opportunity that other movies would capitalize on, or a towering monument to restraint in a movie otherwise disinterested in anything resembling discipline.

Forbidden Planet (1956)

Director: Fred M. Wilcox

Cast: Leslie Nielsen, Anne Francis, Walter Pidgeon, and Robby the Robot as Himself

Have I Seen it Before: Many, many times.

Did I Like It: It is the cinematic equivalent of chicken soup. I can’t prove it, but it might be capable of curing disease.

I previously published this review in a previous blog post entitled “Old Stuff, Part Two: Forbidden Planet” on December 17th, 2018.

I’ve always been old. Last week, I wrote about my <undying love for the brothers Marx>, but it doesn’t stop there.  I remain less than convinced that adding sound to motion pictures (or flicker shows, if you prefer) was an entirely good idea.

But, folks, there is some truly great stuff back there in the past, and I’d like to continue sharing some of that stuff with you this week.

Because everybody loves spaceship movies this week, I think there is no better time to introduce you to the spaceship movie. The original, you might say.

I could write—and have, on occasion considered writing—an entire book about Gene Roddenberry. Twenty-five plus years after his death, his legacy as the semi-messianic, borderline Hubbard-esque figure at the center of the Star Trek phenomenon. The truth appears to paint a far different picture of the man. At best, he is the template for James Cromwell’s portrayal of Zefram Cochrane in Star Trek: First Contact (1996)*, at worst he was a credit-hogging charlatan, the worst parts of Trek are the parts for which he is most directly responsible**. 

Nowhere is his status as “visionary” more in question, than when we realize that his precious vision of a semi-militarized, faster-than-light human race comes directly from the MGM science fiction classic, Forbidden Planet (1956).

Commander Adams checks in on a previously thought lost human expedition to the far-off planet Altair IV. There he finds remains of a super-advanced alien civilization, the humans left behind by early exploration to the region, and (because it’s a movie) a pretty girl***. Robots, spaceships, alien planets ensue. Everything you love about Trek (aside from the occasionally non-sensical utopia influences) appears in this movie first. While it’s electronic-synth score places the film firmly as a product of its time, it’s important once again to realize this film originated these tropes. 

The movie transcends these tropes, and rises above the B-movie trappings not only through its innovation of a sub-genre that dominates the Sci-Fi world of today, but also its special effects. It would be hard to fathom that a movie now over 60 years old sports a mixture of model, miniature, process, and optical effects that still hold up today, but somehow they do. It’s almost as if the level of technology used in producing special effects is meaningless, and the real important matter is the care with which those tools are implemented. Miniature models can look great, like in this film, or they can dangle from a string in the works of someone like Ed Wood. I suppose CGI, as well, can be used to terrific effect by the like of…

All right, maybe practical effects work is always better. My bad.

At any rate, if you’re a fan of Star Trek or really any of what we now take for granted in the modern American science fiction film, and you haven’t seen Forbidden Planet, then you need to remember your roots. This might be the point in the article where I recommend various streaming services to find the movie… The thing is, it’s not on Netflix, it’s not on Amazon Prime, nor is it on Hulu. I guess you’ll have to just find it on DVD or Blu Ray, which come to think of it, might need to be a topic for another one of these “old things” blog posts.

Anyway, we may pick up this discussion again next week with some other items to consider. I may move on to some other topics as well. There’s probably some end-of-the-year things I want to ruminate on before 2018 begins, and with it, some changes to this space.

*The writers and producers insist that this isn’t the case, but I imagine that their denials are a bit of self-preservation, as the surviving Roddenberrys had and still have a significant influence over the fan base. I think they could probably admit the Cochrane-Roddenberry connection now, but people just aren’t asking the in-depth questions about movies from twenty years ago that I think should be asked.

**And I also have suspicion that, were he alive today, we’d be having a far different conversation about him.

***Sound familiar? It’s essentially the plot of The Cage, the first, embryonic trailer of The Original Series starring one-time-Jesus, Jeffery Hunter. I’m on to you, Roddenberry. Death will not protect you.