The Goonies (1985)

DIRECTOR: Richard Donner

CAST: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Jeff Cohen, Ke Huy Quan

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE: Yes, but…

DID I LIKE IT: I feel like I’m obligated as a byproduct of my age to not only like the movie, but love it to the expense of both movies.

It is certainly not the best Amblin movie of the 80s, not by a mile. You always have to eye a movie with a story by Spielberg, but that he eventually decided against directing*. He had to have thought it was a good idea at some point, and then turned back from it. Very damning, and as I write this I’m trying to avert my eyes from the forthcoming Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.

I can’t even count in Richard Donner’s best films, when the Lethal Weapon movies can remain so unassailably watchable, despite the insistent existence of Mel Gibson**.

It’s not even the best 80s movie with Ke Huy Quan (yes, in this house we defend Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)).

But all of that is not to knock the film entirely. For the first half, the score, the breakneck pace, and the likable performances from the main cast are positively electric. But, every time I see the film—and this dates back to the 80s when I was probably first obligated to start loving it—the film meanders after the halfway point, and my level of interest wanes considerably. The kids are still all right, but I’m think of better times with them (Temple of Doom, again). Then the ending comes around, in one of my least favorite trends, not because it is a conclusion or punctuation to the story, but instead because they ran out of runtime.

I like the film, but I don’t love the film. And for that, I can only offer a half-hearted apology.

*Along with Poltergeist (1982) the collective wisdom indicates he might as well have directed the movie, but just opted out of taking that particular credit.

**Is anyone, and I mean anyone at all interested in a Donner-less fifth Lethal movie, much less one (as all signs point to) helmed by Gibson? The mind boggles

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Director: Dan Kwan, Daniel Scheinert

Cast: Michelle Yeoh, Stephanie Hsu, Ke Huy Quan, Jamie Lee Curtis

Have I Seen it Before: No…

Did I Like It: Holy shit.

There was always a chance that I would go into the film overhyped. There was always a chance that, along with Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), and the one-day-maybe-soon release of The Flash, the market might be a bit too flooded with multiverse films in a market that where audience’s attention spans are dwindling by the minute. There was always a chance that Jackie Chan (the fool) would have taken the offer, or Ke Huy Quan (who’s been great his whole damn life; he could have been great for years!)had stayed retired from acting.

Thankfully, that is not our universe.

It’s almost laughable how superior this film is to the Strange sequel (a film I ultimately kind of liked). There have been plenty of instances in parallel development in big Hollywood films experiencing nearly concurrent releases, but I struggle to find two films of such sharply levels of quality. Sure, Deep Impact (1998) and Armageddon (1998) have different priorities as films, but it isn’t like one of those movies beat the other one up and stole their lunch money.

I hate to contribute further to the possibility of overhyping, but if this film isn’t the best movie of the year, then 2022 will prove to be the greatest year for movies in some time. It was impossible not to love Michelle Yeoh before this, but while we all may have thought we appreciated her enough in years past, we haven’t been doing nearly enough. This doesn’t even begin to cover the absolute wonder that is the ego-less commitment to the moment of latter-day Jamie Lee Curtis.

Even if the film wasn’t one of the most chaotic, imaginative things to have ever been forged, it’s Herculean task of turning nihilism into a joyful, beautiful thing is enough to make it astonishing. Only a film with one foot in several different realities can be 100% clever plot and 100% heart at the same time.

By the time you’ve read this, Everything Everywhere All at Once will be available via VOD. You have no excuse. You should not live in a universe where you haven’t seen this film.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

Director: Steven Spielberg

Cast: Harrison Ford, Kate Capshaw, Amrish Puri, Ke Huy Quan

Have I Seen it Before: Is it possible I’ve seen this movie more than Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)? It seems unlikely, but I can’t rule it out.

Did I Like It: Yes. Fight me if you must, but I think this is the best of the Jones sequels/prequels.

First of all, it would be myopic at best to not admit that there are some things about the film that had not aged well, and were a probably a bit much at the time of release. Willie Scott (Capshaw) is not exactly the stuff that strong female heroes are made of, but at the same time one has to give credit to Capshaw for playing the role without once reaching for the easy milieu of ironic detachment. There had to be a sense among her and the filmmakers that the character would grate on people’s nerves, but that didn’t stop her from swinging for the fences.

Similarly, the depiction of Indian people varies pretty wildly from the “sorta okay” to the “eek, is everybody else seeing what I’m seeing?” Again, one wants to write off the rougher parts of the film to intentional choice on the part of Spielberg and Lucas, but in this case, that might be reductive. The portrayal of both Hinduism and Indian people in general is sometimes insensitive, but it does appear that most Indian characters are actually played by people of Indian decent. If we’re grading the 80s on a curve, this move may still get a passing grade. I’m looking in your direction, Short Circuit (1986).

All of this being accepted, the film still follows that cardinal rule of sequeldom*: don’t let up on the pace. From the first musical number in the Club Obi-Wan, the film never lets up until the Sankara stones are finally put back in their rightful place. Now that I think about, that musical number is a mission statement for the entire film. While “Anything Goes” is in and of itself as a good a thesis for the film, the mere idea that “Raiders 2” would ope up with Busby Berkley style musical number let the audience know—even if they weren’t 100 percent on board with the plan—that Spielberg was firmly control of what was happening, and if we trusted him, we would be in for the ride of our life.

It’s a shame that the film wasn’t as widely accepted in its time as it should have been. Had it been, each Indiana Jones adventure might have been a new, weird venture into the unknown, instead of warmed-over leftovers from Raiders. 

*I guess, actually prequeldom, but unless you’re paying real attention to the year stamped in the titles, there is not a whiff of what usually reeks in a prequel.