Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Director: Ronny Yu

Cast: Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, Ken Kirzinger, Robert Englund

Have I Seen it Before: Yes. It feels like one of those movies where, considering that I lived in a dorm room from the fall of 2003 through the summer of 2005, somebody somewhere must have had it playing on a DVD player.

Did I Like It: It’s sort of mystifying that a film can both feel like it wastes no time at all, and spends the films first several minutes with an extended voice over narration explaining how we’ve gotten to this point.

This is especially baffling when there is no conceivable way that this film could find an audience that wasn’t at least nominally keyed into the basic elements of Kruger’s back story. It’s especially telling that Voorhees doesn’t get the same treatment, because it is a little known fact that the Friday the 13th series not only has no backstory whatsoever, but in fact no entry in the series has been produced from a screenplay, outline, or cogent thought*. Yes, they eventually throw away a couple of lines of Voorhees’ convoluted origins, and even revisit those in a Krueger-influenced dream, but who really cares?

Ultimately, this is a disheartening way for Englund to bow out of the role (it might be the best entry in the Friday series, although I inexplicably have fond memories of Jason X (2001)), especially when he delivered his franchise-best work in the immediately preceding Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994).

One more thought before I leave: The characters—yes, there are a motley crew of teenagers to sleep and be dismembered throughout the film, although they could be cardboard cutouts for all the film cares—cheer on the “joy” (and boy do I use that term loosely) that is Everclear. Has anyone ever bothered to drink Everclear outside of the early to mid 2000s? I honestly don’t think I was handed a bachelor’s degree and the manufacturer immediately went out of business. It might be that no one outside of college, or those who view mouthwash as “too sweet.”

*One wonders whose side I’m taking in the whole “vs.” question?

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

Director: Stephen Hopkins

Cast: Robert Englund, Lisa Wilcox, Kelly Jo Minter, Erika Anderson

Have I seen it Before: I’m not even sure that’s a valid question anymore. I oddly do have a strong memory of being in the video department of a grocery store* and being absolutely transfixed by a large cardboard ad for the movie, with Krueger (Englund, Dream Demons bless him for hanging around this long) admonishing those walking by to be quiet, as the baby in the bassinet from hell was sleeping. Also, I thing I read a submission by the screenwriter for an anthology I was working on years ago. For the life of me, I can’t remember if we bought the story or not.

Did I Like It: Clearly, I’ve watched A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988), and these two films so absurdly blurred together that if I were to ever break my rule and write a second review for a film I would probably still be just as uncertain that I’ve ever seen the film. For two films which were not

In that way, it’s oddly a little a bit like Star Trek: Generations (1994), or better yet Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989). Now, stay with me here, no matter how much you may not want to. At this point in time, the series was putting out a movie a year, and Freddy was appearing weakly as a host (and occasional character) of his own syndicated horror show. The franchise was clearly spread just a bit too thin. Freddy is over-exposed. Throw in a writer’s strike for full production chaos flavor, and voila, a franchise that vacillates between being over-produced and forgettable, yet strangely cheapened from its heyday.

*This was in those halcyon days when you could rent movie about five feet from the deli department of any grocery store. I’ll never know why they always put the video department right near the deli…

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Director: Renny Harlin

Cast: Lisa Wilcox, Danny Hassel, Tuesday Knight, Robert Englund

Have I Seen it Before: I honestly don’t remember. I’m going to hazard a guess and say I have not.

Did I Like It: The hoary cliche is to say that no movie in the Nightmare series beyond the original completely sucked. It’s reductive, of course, especially considering for my money the first film is likely over validated, but I would say both that the seventh is far and way the best film of the series*.

But there is a reason that the sequels receive mostly side eye from people. The novelty of Dream Warriors is long since gone, connections to the beginnings of the series have disappeared (a quick look-see into the history of the series indicates Wes Craven was even interested in continuing his re-connection with the series, but New Line myopically had no interest in his pitch), and what we’re left with is movies that bleed together and can’t even manage to entertain in the depraved way that even the basest horror films can accomplish.

One might think that I made a typo in the preceding paragraph when I referred to “movies,” but I assure you that was intentional. This movie is so blandly inconsequential that I was tempted for more than few minutes to write my first ever dual review, as this and The Dream Child (1989) are basically interchangeable. Even a schlocky—but somehow still over-validated—movie maker like Renny Harlin only manages to prove why he shouldn’t have briefly been given the keys to a-list movies, and only produces journeyman level work. He had to have either sold his soul to some supernatural entity (who isn’t Freddy Krueger (Englund)) or really delivered this one under budget to get where he got. That second one tends to make a lot more sense, because after Cutthroat Island (1995), everyone came to their senses.

*And, in an opinion that is likely to get things thrown at me, the best film Wes Craven ever made.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Director: Chuck Russell

Cast: Heather Langenkamp, Patricia Arquette, Larry Fishburne, Robert Englund

Have I Seen it Before: Yes? As the Nightmare movies are not really my go-to slasher series, I get a little bit fuzzy outside of <the original>, <Freddy’s Revenge (1985)>, and <Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)>.

Did I Like It: My uncertainty only grows when I realize that this film certainly does distinguish itself in the series. The effects work is sufficiently gross (and I mean that in the best way) with the the worm creature Freddy takes the form of early in the film is easily memorable.

I’m always a little bit suspicious of long-running horror series becoming transfixed on their own mythologies as a replacement for building actual tension. It had frequently threatened to kill the Halloween series, it essentially did slowly eradicate Hellraiser, and for my money, Jason Voorhees never had anything to lose under the weight of too much backstory. Here, there was always a mythic quality to Freddy, and while New Nightmare may have tapped into that quality with more confidence and resonance, the little bit of additional backstory we get about Freddy here manages to not be too much. And, besides, “the bastard son of 100 maniacs” is the kind of pulpy fun that makes one glad they are alive to take in such fluff.

Most importantly, though, this film exists ahead of its time. Almost every recent new entry in long-running horror series has an underlying theme of protagonists taking power back from their tormentors, but the story of the titular dream warriors here is a precursor to that trend, made all the more strange by the fact that it exists at a time where the slasher genre was content to be nothing more artistic than the local butcher, forming their cuts out of the caucuses of people in their mid-twenties desperate to pretend they are teenagers.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Director: Wes Craven*

Cast: John Saxon, Heather Langenkamp, Johnny Depp, Robert Englund

Have I Seen it Before: Oh yes. This was the last movie I joined Beyond the Cabin in the Woods before they asked me to join the show permanently. It seems like a couple of lifetimes ago. That’s probably because it sort of was…

Did I Like It: In the past I’ve always been sort of ambivalent about this movie. It’s never felt as relentlessly terrifying as Halloween (1978), or as trashy as Friday the 13th (1980), or as insidious unnerving as Hellraiser (1987). Where does it really fit in to the horror pantheon, especially when I would point to Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994) as the best edition in the franchise.

This time, however I found more to like about it than I had ever before. I must becoming soft in my increasing age. The surreal, almost cubist images in character’s dreams always feel like a more realistic depiction of the ephemeral nature of dreams, far more than what most might find in cinema.

That manages to paper over some of the flaws I still can’t quite get over. The teenagers are relatively well cast, but a bit too earnest for their own good. I also can’t help but laugh a little bit when adolescents in movies are having astonishingly good sex, when anyone over the age of 25 is pretty certain that no adolescent has ever had any good sex since time began.

Ultimately, though, when the characters start talking about the nature of dreams, the film becomes less of a cinematic experience and more a videotaped podcast on the subject of dreams. To be fair, Craven has that problem in his films. New Nightmare had the same problem occasionally, although those instances felt more natural in light of that film’s more mythological undertones.

* I may have said this before, but it bears mentioning again. The man had the best name of a horror director ever. It was like if James Whale had been nicknamed John Spookyfuntime, or if John Carpenter had been name John Relentless-Suspense-And-Never-Being-Bogged-Down-By-Excessive-Backstory.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)

Director: Wes Craven

Cast: Heather Lagenkamp, Robert Englund, Miko Hughes, John Saxon

Have I Seen it Before: I’ve probably seen this entry in the Nightmare on Elm Street series more than any other.

Did I Like It: And that’s probably because ultimately, I’ve never never loved this series all that much. Even the original A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) always struck me as just a little too fashionable. Aside from a clever enough hook that might just barely burrow its way into your unconscious and bother you long after the credits rolled, it always seemed like just another 80s horror movie.

Here, though things are pretty thoroughly ahead of their time. Wes Craven’s meta instincts wouldn’t reach full acceptance for another two years with Scream (1996), but here it’s less of a joke.

In fact, it’s only intermittently interested in being a horror movie, mostly in the scenes leading up to the climax, and any moments where Langenkamp’s son (Hughes) is possessed of a mind to do Spooky Things. The rest of the film is more interested in the mythic, all the way to the point that when it does reach its climax, we have departed New Line’s effort to jump-start their moribund horror franchise, and is instead the most expensive R-rated Fairy Tale ever committed to film.

No wonder the co-creator of The Fourth Wall likes it so much.

It’s a bold move on Craven’s part and certainly worth a watch by anyone who might have an affinity for the genre, but might otherwise be turned off by the seventh movie in a series, which eschews the continuity of the previous entries in the series. I’m also happy to report it is only occasionally marred by some inherent design flaws. Scares are low, which could turn off some. Also, having non-performers like mega-producer Robert Shaye and Craven himself play themselves in key supporting roles illuminates why neither man had ever gravitated towards performance before. Even England and Langenkamp appear as if fitted not-quite-correctly for a suit of clothes when playing themselves. I can’t imagine an actor who made their bones in the occasionally absurd world of horror movies is very comfortable being themselves for long stretches of time, to say nothing of having to do so on camera.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

Director: Jack Sholder

Cast: Mark Patton, Kim Myers, Robert Rusler, Robert Englund

Have I Seen it Before: I think so? Honestly, during this screening it became abundantly clear that if I had seen it before, much of the movie had slipped into dim memory.

Did I Like It: In a word, no.

When one realizes that it had to be less than twelve months between the studio issuing the edict that this film was to be made and its release to theaters (it was released exactly 52 weeks after the release of the last film), one can see that the whole affair is rushed. A few special effect gags are lovingly rendered, but the film is bereft of anything resembling a believable performance, any sort of suspenseful tension, or anything resembling a story that even by the time the film had been released hadn’t been done plenty of times before.

I’ve never been the biggest fan of the original A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), as I thought the story was a little too pat. One might have also looked at Heather Langenkamp’s performance and been left wanting, but in light of this film, it feels like I owe much of the first film an apology for not fully embracing it as much I should have.

That is not to say that Freddy’s Revenge is completely unworthy of any further analysis. Long heralded as a cult film for the gay community.

And it’s hard to deny the elements that some would call subtext. Jesse (Patton) is clearly struggling with issues far beyond the demon that haunts his dreams. Additionally, every other character in the film—with the possible exception of Lisa (Myers)—has a much clearer awareness of Jesse as a person than he does.

One wants to come away from the film attached to that higher virtue, but a quick scan of the circumstances under which the film was made only muddies the waters further. The screenwriter, David Chaskin, for years insisted that no gay subtext was intended. Apparently he never watched the final film, or for that matter, read the screenplay. Patton has said that those elements of the films were highlighted in part because of Patton’s own (at the time) closeted sexuality, and the idea that as the AIDS epidemic just began creep into the cultural consciousness, a film about a gay character would be inherently scarier. In short, if you would suggest to the main audience of these films (adolescent boys) that they might be gay, too, then there would be at least something to unsettle said audience, when the craft of the rest of the film was never going to measure up.

I’m not sure I can give any extra points to a film if it’s one redeeming virtue is so callous and calculating.