Firestarter (1984)

Director: Mark L. Lester

Cast: David Keith*, Drew Barrymore, Freddie Jones, Heather Locklear

Have I Seen It Before: Never, although it feels like one of those movies I should have taken in by cable osmosis over the years.

Did I Like It: Even the most cursory glances at the history of this movie shows one that there is an alternate universe where The Thing (1982) was an absolute monster hit (which would have been a good thing, heh) and John Carpenter would have gone on to direct this movie.

And I’m not certain that would have improved things. Not to knock Carpenter (hallowed be his name) at the peak of his powers, but taking the one-two punch of a King story that doesn’t feel as if has a whole lot to it* and Dino De Laurentiis continuing a nearly unbroken trend of turning even potentially good movies into something less than they might otherwise have been. That statement will at least be given a somewhat thorough test in a couple of weeks when the remake comes to the surface. At least that one, I’m pleased to report, will have a John Carpenter score, so that’s at least something it will have going for it. Even a Tangerine Dream score is a pale substitute, and they do certainly feel like they’re going for something in that era of Carpenter’s musical output.

Here, though, ever performance is so pointedly self-conscious—with the possible exception of Martin Sheen who I would watch do anything—that I’m never afforded a moment of peace to even dream of suspending my disbelief. This certain goes for Barrymore, who a more talented director could have gotten a more engaging performance out of, but also goes for Keith, who never believes a moment of what’s happening around him (I don’t blame him), but also goes doubly for George C. Scott, who should have known better, if even only as a matter of taste.

* Not Keith David, for anyone who was getting inordinately excited.

* Others have told me it is actually one of his best. I believe them, and yet am not in a hurry to go track it down. (He types, in the very same instant that he stops the review to go look into a Kindle copy, and even then, deciding not go through with it.)

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

Director: Steven Spielberg

Cast: Dee Wallace, Henry Thomas, Peter Coyote, Drew Barrymore

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure. Find me the child of the 80s/90s who hasn’t seen the film, and I’ll show you a pod person. My wife, Lora, in fact, may have been so over-saturated by the film as an impressionable child, she finds the creature frightening and repellant now.

Did I Like It: Which is a real problem in our house, as for my money it is Spielberg’s best film. Yes, honey, even ahead of Jurassic Park (1993). It single-handedly set the standard and defined the aesthetic of cinematic spectacle not just for its generation, but quite possibly for all time. Hard not to be struck by just how much Super 8 (2011) slavishly toils in E.T.’s shadow. Gremlins (1984) shifts the setup from sweet and heartfelt to the chaotic and mischievious*. The less said about Mac and Me (1988), the better. Hell, even Transformers (2007) (but not any of the sequels, aside from Bumblebee (2018)) tries to harness the “boy and his dog alien pal” current that fueled the proceedings here.

And there’s a reason that it has inspired that level of imitation. One hesitates in using the term “purity” with a story featuring white people in the suburbs, but the simplicity and pure pathos that Spielberg brings to bear here hits like a ton of bricks every time. It works for anyone who has ever had a pet. It works It works as a child as a simple adventure story. It works for adults who feel they might have hit a wall and are disappointed that the world might not be as fantastic as it might have seemed when young.

It just works. 

My only qualm regarding the film is that, for the DVD I own, we are still subject to the 2002 special edition, complete with walkie-talkies in lieu of guns and other CGI effects that aren’t nearly as magical as the material from the original. I think Spielberg would agree with me there. Between this, shooting digitally, and some of the later Indiana Jones stuff, I think Spielberg spent most of the 2000s being bullied by George Lucas into things he wouldn’t have otherwise done, and has spent the last ten years trying to shed himself of those less-than-stellar decisions.

Trust your instincts, Steve. I’ll even buy the more recent Blu Ray releases of this film, so I never have to see another walkie-talkie as long as I live.

*While Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) remains one of the greatest films ever, but I digress...