Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Director: Taika Waititi

Cast: Chris Hemsowrth, Christian Bale, Tessa Thompson, Natalie Portman

Have I Seen it Before: Nope.

Did I Like It: The film is certainly less enjoyable than the sublime Thor: Ragnarok (2017). There are any number of reasons why. I think the fundamental listlessness of the Marvel Cinematic Universe post Avengers: Endgame (2019) (give or take a Spider-Man or three) is weighing down everything coming from Feige and Co.

That gives us a sense of the mentality that might have led to this, but doesn’t explain the anatomy of the disappointment. Whereas Ragnarok delightfully contorted itself into a cosmic Midnight Run (1988), this is content to be a benign and pedestrian romantic comedy.

Even that could have worked in a limited sort of way, so the real question becomes: why does (even two weeks after seeing the film) it leave a bad taste in my mouth?

It’s not the performances. Hemsworth is still pretty great, and manages to wring every laugh out of the proceedings any mortal man could. It also helps that for several moments he’s placed next to Chris Pratt for several scenes who has gotten blander and blander as time goes on, where Hemsworth continues to show an apt comic presence. While he and Portman don’t quite have the chemistry they possessed in the original Thor (2011), I’ve seen screen couples with far less chemistry, and many of those have had the Marvel vanity card in front of them. Christian Bale proves—not unlike Michael Keaton did in Beetlejuice (1988)—that all of the best Batmen could have credibly played the Joker if they absolutely needed to. Clooneys, Kilmers, and certainly Afflecks need not apply.

The thing that really irks me about the movie is the sharp left turns the story feels the need to take with the character. Some complain that Thor’s weight gain in the most recent Avengers films has been derided by some as a simplistic display of depression and trauma, but it was certainly an attempt to depict some kind of emotional arc for a movie superhero. If you didn’t like that choice, don’t worry. Hemsworth sheds the pounds—and, presumably, the emotions surrounding them—in the film’s opening minutes.

One might think that another left turn in the film’s closing minutes would set things right, but this isn’t missing your exit on the highway. It’s an attempt to hint—perhaps threaten—that Thor 5* will be a repackaged Three Men and a Little Lady (1990).

*Given why this film is called Love and Thunder, the title should have really been held for a next film, should it ever come.

Batman Begins (2005)

Director: Christopher Nolan

Cast: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, man. Summer of 2005. The eventual release of this film and the abatement of the era of Schumacher were the only things getting me out of bed in the morning.

Did I Like It: It’s a strange thing from some different angles, but this movie is often overshadowed by the juggernaut that was The Dark Knight (2008). In some ways, that’s fair, as Nolan so succeeded with this freshman effort that he was subsequently given the same freedom to flex his creative muscles in the sequel that Tim Burton was given in Batman Returns (1992) and Schumacher (I guess) got in Batman & Robin (1997).

And it’s fair primarily in the sense that this film is somewhat mired in very basic film writing tools. There’s a big set piece at the end, featuring the monorail built by the Wayne family and Wayne Tower that is seeded in the films early minutes. There are a few call backs to early sections of the film that feel a little jokey. The dialogue for Ra’s Al Ghul (Neeson) that is far too on-the-nose villain speak. And there’s a moment that causes regular audiences—and even myself—enjoy, but in the verisimilitude Nolan is going out of his way to try to achieve, doesn’t make any sense. Why does Batman (Bale) use his first appearance to say “I’m Batman” when that seems like something that the media would attach to him after he begins to terrorize the underworld? Even the Zack Snyder films—a complete drag as they mostly are—manage to give the Dark Knight more of an urban legend quality. It is one of the few things that those films got right.

There’s also that sense, and I think it mainly comes from the Star Trek series, that if the second film in the series is the absolute best-case scenario for a film series, then it must be because there is something wrong with the first film. This really isn’t case, other than those nitpicks I indicated above. The film is interested in character development (even if some of the characters drift into archetypes, see above) and moving those characters forward. The toys, to borrow a term from Jack Nicholson, Batman uses are given origins that may not be realistic, but have a certain James Bondian logic.

The film would have scratched all of my various bat-itches by the end, and then there’s that final scene. I remember in the theater when Gordon (Oldman) turns over that playing card, I had an expression of pure joy. He was out there. And at that moment, he was all potential. The imagination tingled. It’s a great way to leave a film. Even now, when the rise of the Clown Prince of Crime in this series had been fully and delightfully realized (and had become the rallying cry of every idiot with a blu ray player until Joaquin Phoenix gave them something else to fixate on), it still sends a shiver down my spine.

It’s still a pretty great way to make a movie.

Little Women (1994)

Director: Gillian Armstrong

Cast: Winona Ryder, Kirsten Dunst, Claire Danes, Christian Bale

Have I Seen it Before: Any joke here would feel off, so I’ll just say no.

Did I Like It: Sure! What’s not to like.

Obviously, any adaptation of Louisa May Alcott will be light on plot. To add plot to the proceedings would be either unsettling or profane. And so, the film must rely on the chemistry between the actresses to fuel the movie that surrounds them.

And they do. They are helped by the fact that their characters are intelligent where they might have been irritating. Plenty of smart, self-possessed women have been inspired by any mixture of the March girls, and those are the kind of people around which I would want to spend time.

That moment near the end where Jo stares with nervous, nearly despairing anticipation at her just-completed first novel, and the bubbling ecstasy when the book comes back printed are feelings both  I and many of my friends have surely felt. The movie is filled with these moments of true emotion. It’s a tall order for a movie to function with only these moments to elevate it. In lesser hands, it would have been frightfully dull. Here, it is vibrant. I wish I could make something one day that didn’t need bells and whistles. 

The score is jaunty, although the blaring trumpets did leave me wondering which scenes were taking place at Christmas and which were taking place when Kirsten Dunst metamorphosed into Samantha Mathis. The photography is sumptuous without being needlessly showy, and the sets and locations feel like what one would imagine the 19th century to be. Maybe that one element is actually draped in Hollywood fakery, but it displays this with such confidence that the spirit of the March girls comes forth in the film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Director: Christopher Nolan

Cast: Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Anne Hathaway, Tom Hardy

Have I Seen it Before: Sure.

Did I Like It: Look it’s a Batman movie that doesn’t rely on certain characters mother’s being named Martha. What’s not to like? I’ll tell you.

I ultimately don’t think Nolan had a plan going into this one. Maybe he didn’t really want to make a third film in his series, but he really really didn’t want to make any more movies, so he scrambled for a rousing conclusion. It forges together some of the bigger Batman comic plot lines that weren’t covered by Nolan’s two previous movies, Knightfall, No Man’s Land, and The Dark Knight Returns, but the blending doesn’t quite come together. It all fits together not as smoothly as it did in the previous entry, 2008’s The Dark Knight. In the attempt, to many plot lines rise to the top.

Too many plots. How did Bruce Wayne get back into Gotham after escaping Bane’s prison, especially when it is well-established that he’s broke by this point in the movie? And where and with whom is Miranda Tate/Talia al Ghul at various points in the third act?

While people moan and wail about the deep, unforgiving chasm that separates Bale's Batman voice from his Bruce Wayne voice, he seems utterly restrained* when compared with the Sean Connery and Darth Vader forged in a blender that is Bane (Hardy). Several years have separated this particular screening from its premiere, but the first moment he speaks on that airplane, it’s one of the most bizarre sounding things that has ever been committed to film, compounded by the deep realization that Bane’s words clearly were modified deep into postproduction, as he didn’t sound quite so ridiculous in the early trailers for the film released in 2011 and 2012. 

Speaking of that airplane sequence, let’s get into what absolutely, unassailably works about the movie. The stunt work is legit. Nolan—although he couldn’t possibly have had the screenplay he hoped for—is one of the last great filmmakers working in studio films these days. I can’t imagine that there is not a single frame of 

Also, where Bane leaves one wanting, Anne Hathaway never fails to impress as Selina Kyle/Cat Burglar who is never explicitly referred to as Catwoman. The role has had so many distinct portrayals over the years, but Hathaway manages to tap into a realistic cat burglar vibe, while also embracing the soul of the character. As it’s always a little bit shocking how strange of a creation Bane is, it’s equally impressive how good she is, when there was plenty of room to be mediocre.

One might be tempted to be more forgiving of the film, viewing it through the same prism as Return of the Jedi (1983) or The Search for Spock (1984), thinking it suffers only because it follows the best-ever movie in the series. Tragically, while there are some things to truly like, and by no means do I think Christopher Nolan’s reputation as a shaper of popular entertainments will have ended up suffering because of it, The Dark Knight Rises ultimately has too many glaring flaws to work on it’s own account.

And I might feel pretty bad about that, but somewhere lurking in the future of this franchise is Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016), which accomplished the herculean task of making even Joel Schumacher look like Akira Kurosawa.

*Except of course when he’s talking to himself on a rooftop after Selina Kyle departs. I don’t know who he thinks he’s doing that for, but it certainly isn’t part of maintaining his secret identity.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Director: Christopher Nolan

Cast: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, yes.

Did I Like It: While my love for Tim Burton’s Batman (1989) is a pure love that can never be diminished or destroyed, it’s pretty hard to argue that this isn’t a superior film on every measurable level.

I’ve damned with faint praise some movies as being the best possible version of the material. Saban’s Power Rangers (2017) is the best possible film about Power Rangers. Halloween II (2009) is the best possible Halloween film directed by Rob Zombie. And—although I haven’t seen it yet—Bumblebee (2018) is likely the best possible film about Transformers.

So it is, too, that the middle-entry of Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is the best possible Batman movie. Thing is, I love Batman, and therefore this film is instantly propelled into contention for one of the best movies of all time.

It’s odd having a verified classic that’s this new. There is the awkward period where every douchebag of woman born ran around yelling “Why So Serious?” like it was a symptom of Tourettes. It also illuminates how truly bad some of its contemporaries are. I remember that summer of 2008 being more positive about Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull than I had any right to be because I truly believed that it would age better with time. It didn’t, and now The Dark Knight was also a transcendent experience on first viewing and holds up under continued scrutiny.

Equal parts James Bondian adventure and epic Michael Mann crime drama, Nolan is not just imitating these forms, but can stand toe-to-toe with them. Gotham is always a city, and never a soundstage. Every character has a thoroughly and elegantly designed motivation and a scheme to accomplish their goal, until they run headlong into the one person who never met a plan he didn’t like to destroy. 

I love every inch of this film. But, my goal here is to provide some measure of criticism. I reach desperately for some flaw, and come up tragically short. All right, all right, there are two little editing things that never quite make sense to me, and that’s to be expected as somehow editing can become the one glaring flaw in Nolan’s body of work. 

First, I have no clue how Batman (Bale) arrives at Harvey’s (Eckhart) fundraiser to battle the Joker (Ledger). The camera turns, and all of a sudden, he’s there. Sure, The World’s Greatest Detective is a master of the disappearing act, but this particular stealthy entrance happens in the middle of a well-lit, heavily populated penthouse apartment. There isn’t even some kind of air vent he could have popped out of?

Second, it’s not at all clear if Sal Maroni (Eric Roberts) survived the wreck caused by Two-Face, or, if he didn’t survive, how Two-Face managed to walk away from the wreck.

Oh well. Given how the rest of the movie runs like the most exquisitely designed machine ever created, I don’t want to dwell on those nitpicks too much. I love this movie, and I’m glad I live in a world where it exists. 

Vice (2018)

Director: Adam McKay

Cast: Steve Carell, Amy Adams, Sam Rockwell, and I shit you not, Richard Bruce Cheney, 46th Vice-President of the United States as himself.

Have I Seen it Before: No. I mean, I saw nearly all of the events indicated play out on TV as they did… But I never saw it like this

Did I Like It: More than I thought I would. Oliver Stone’s W. (2008) never quite came together because it felt like the events were too recent, and the examination of them was too shallow. This is a completely different movie. Richard Dreyfuss, eat your heart out.

We live in weird times. With a series of wacky poncho-related mishaps, becoming Michelle Obama’s refined sugar supply, and managing to join the rest of us in thinking that the clown in the White House needs to go, George W. Bush has increased his likability tenfold. He’s certainly not the worst thing that happened to the republic anymore, but more of a well-meaning idiot who couldn’t live up to the moment in history he inherited.

So, when Adam McKay’s frenetic, nearly schizoid film about the true President of the oughts unfolds, and I begin to respect—if not quite like—the second Vice-President in history to notably shoot a guy, it feels like the normal rules of the universe don’t apply anymore.

But then, McKay deftly pulls the carpet out from under us and reminds everyone that Cheney wasn’t an ironman who was willing to make the tough, yet perhaps, maybe necessary decisions to keep us safe, and has made absolute peace that he is a necessary villain, or to bother a line from a Christian Bale movie I saw once: He’s the hero we need, because he isn’t a hero, and he can take our hate.

Except, he isn’t. In truth, he slithers through the beginning of the movie with a chip on his shoulder, and after he gets his first taste of power, he barrels through the last forty years, wrecking everything along his way, even the things he might have claimed were more important than the power that lifted him from being a dirtbag in the first place.

Seriously, fuck that guy.

…wait, Christian Bale was in this movie? I didn’t notice him. I don’t know what you’re talking about.