The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Director: Henry Selick

Cast: Danny Elfman, Chris Sarandon, Catherine O’Hara, William Hickey

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure. It’s one of the clearer memories I have of being excited about a movie as a kid, being a little disappointed by it at the time*, and then realizing within a few short years that I was a fool.

Did I Like It: Just as the Star Wars prequels might be the most cogent argument for the auteur theory in semi-modern moviemaking, this film is its antithesis. If the director is the author of the film, then this should be thought of as Henry Selick’s The Nightmare Before Christmas.

But it really, really isn’t.

It makes Tim Burton such a fascinating filmmaker. He can have such a singular, easily identifiable point of view. In some films (Batman Returns (1992), Edward Scissorhands (1990)) that vision comes through. In others, (Batman (1989), Planet of The Apes (2001)) he’s a hired hand, meant only to offer his name, and almost no artistic vision to the the proceedings.

And then there’s this film, which might be the most fully realized manifestation of the Tim Burton image, and he wasn’t the director.

I’m not going to say that this is my favorite movie of all time, or even that it ranks in the top twenty. Ultimately pure Burtonianism might work in small doses, but it is one of the most successful mastering of a film succeeding on its own terms. There is never a moment of doubt—unlike Jack Skellington’s (Elfman singing, Sarandon for everything else) arc—as to what this film wants to be. Every single decision serves the mise en scene.

And if that wasn’t enough to recommend the film: I’ve even started to like the songs. Amazing what thirty years can accomplish.

*Not one commercial made it clear that I was walking into a musical. Nine-year-olds really need to be warned about such things.

The Princess Bride (1987)

Director: Rob Reiner

Cast: Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon, Robin Wright

Have I Seen it Before: Well, sure. But this is where I am going to have to open up this review with a confession.

Did I Like It: Is this somehow going to be more controversial than my review of Halloween Ends (2022)? Ok. Truth time. I’ve never liked it as much as some people. Some people love this movie like it would be able to patch the hole in the ozone layer and always smell like freshly popped popcorn.

It’s a frequently funny film. There are large swaths where it is thrilling and heartwarming. Every inch of this film is designed to be likable, and it delivers on those goods… I think one could make the case that there is nothing particularly wrong with the film?

And yet?

Doesn’t it all seem a little too slim for it’s own good? Maybe complaining that the film is “too short” is praising the movie with faint damnation, but aren’t there like three dozen characters jammed into just over 90 minutes?

Isn’t every great, well-remembered moment of the movie just a catchphrase pre-packaged for the meme era? Do we really love “My name is Inigo Montoya” and “Have fun storming the castle,” or is it just that their both easily imitateable?

And I can get over all of those complaints, but somehow there are people who with great earnestness proclaim this as their favorite movie. There are people out there who have built their entire identity around this movie. We’re never likely to get a proper memoir from Cary Elwes, because he figured we were all good after he got through all of his stories from The Princess Bride. I see the appeal. I just don’t see that much of the appeal.

Is it just that I’m nuts?

Inconceivable, I’m sure.

Child’s Play (1988)

Director: Tom Holland

Cast: Catherine Hicks, Chris Sarandon, Alex Vincent, Brad Dourif

Have I Seen It Before: I’m certain that at some point I’ve sat down and watched this movie from beginning to end, but is it possible I’ve actually caught fifteen minutes here and there on cable screenings over the last thirty years? Yes, absolutely.

The film’s poster is the real memorable thing, isn’t it, though? No, I’m not talking about the one featured in this review, which positively screams to me that someone at the studio was more than a little ashamed about what was really at the heart of the terror of this film. I’m talking about the one that was plastered in every video store in the late 80s that jettisoned anything resembling shame, single-handedly torpedoed the My Buddy toy line, and led this video renter to eventually write a short story where the covers of horror videos come to life to get the drop on some unsuspecting kid who would be far less frightened if he actually got to watch the movies involved.

Did I Life It: From all that, you might be forgiven if you thought I didn’t like it. Surely, there are rough edges all around. The puppet is clearly a puppet, except when he’s at a distance and clearly a little person dressed as a puppet. The mythology is ridiculous (and indeed is a the vehicle of many a film of self-deprecation to come). The kid (Vincent) is only believable or effective when he appears to be in real danger (which is impressive enough).

But maybe it was a byproduct of my mood (which should always try to be surpassed in criticism), but far more likely it is as a result of the runtime, which kept the film from wearing out its welcome, but I suddenly found myself searching for Child’s Play 2 (1990) and on available via streaming. If that doesn’t count as some sort of endorsement for a horror movie, I don’t know what does.

Fright Night (1985)

Director: Tom Holland (no, not that Tom Holland)

Cast: Chris Sarandon, William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse, Stephen Geoffreys, Roddy McDowell

Have I Seen it Before: No.

Did I Like It: I feel like I might have missed that window.

It can be difficult to watch a bona fide classic for the first time. You feel like you need to see what everyone else saw, and because you are too much in your own head and wrapped up in expectations, the film may not measure up.

A similar phenomenon can be observed when one watches a more modern classic. If you didn’t witness a movie while you were still in your formative years, there may not be much there for you in the harsh light of adulthood. Such thoughts make me wonder what my reaction might be to films I love like Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) or even Back to the Future (1985) if I had watched them now instead of in my childhood.

So, too is it with Fright Night. I missed what might have been charming about this film by a couple of years. It is a movie that is less than two hours long, but feels interminable. I had to watch it in two different sittings, and I wasn’t exactly leaping at the opportunity to finish the work when the opportunity came around. 

If it is to be accepted as a pure horror movie, it is strangely bereft of dread, terror, or even moments that startle. If it is to be taken as a comedy, it’s not funny in any measurable way. If it is supposed to be a coming-of-age story, then any character needed to engage in some kind of change or growth, but alas, aside from the death of a few day-players and the two heavies, everyone in the film is much as we found them.

Even the plot—such as it is—falls apart under the slightest scrutiny, and such analysis is the only pleasure I found during the course of the movie. The conceit or pitch of the film is that a fan of horror movies finds that a vampire has moved in. Only Charlie Brewster (Ragsdale) is such an inept entity, that he immediately has to get a gross tonne of exposition regarding basic Vampire precautions from Evil Ed (Geoffreys). Had he been a true horror fan, or really been alive in any way, then the cross and the garlic thing should have been already known by both Brewster and—to nullify any arguments that such a clunky move was necessary—the audience.

I want to join the people who like this movie, but sadly can not. Or will not. Not all fondly remembered 80s movies are created equal.