Predator (1987)

Director: John McTiernan

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Jesse Ventura, Kevin Peter Hall

Have I Seen it Before: Heck, you’re talking to the guy who started a Facebook group in support of the idea of Carl Weathers becoming Governor of Oklahoma because, apparently, the cast of this movie is where we need to get Governors.

Did I Like It: There’s a problem that happens when a long-running film series has a complete revelation with a later entry. I’m looking in your direction, Prey (2022). The original film can start to feel a bit stripped down, a bit tame. I have a real hard time really getting into A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) when I know that Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994) exists.

Can this film possibly hold up?

Yeah, pretty much. It accomplishes what the series lost to certain degree as time went on (and especially when they were set up on a series of blind dates with xenomorphs for a couple of movies. The Predator films are at there best opportunities for seamless genre mashup, and accomplishing this by simply giving us a well-made example of one genre*, and then injecting the Predator into the mix. Prey did it by giving us a well-crafted epic in the pre-colonial world of indigenous America… and then threw a dreadlocked alien into the mix. Here, this film would work perfectly well as the group of paramilitary soldiers enter the jungle with a mix of motivations and understanding about their mission, only to reach disaster. Come to think of it, what the hell was Schwarzenegger’s name in Commando (1985)? Is this a sequel to that? I’m sure someone would have noted that before I did, but it sure as hell could have been**.

*Probably doesn’t work for every genre, though. And, just as soon as I type that a Kindergarten Cop (1990) riff where one of the students is a Yautja would be watchable as hell.

**I keep lamenting that Rambo: Last Blood (2019) didn’t follow the rumored plot line of Stallone squaring off agains a malevolent alien. I had apparently forgotten that this film is essentially that, and way better than we could have expected if Stallone had gotten control of the works.

Rocky vs Drago (2021)

Director: Sylvester Stallone

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Carl Weathers, Dolph Lundgren

Have I Seen it Before: Huh. Well, that’s the real question, isn’t it? I’ve never seen this movie like this. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to watch it, either.

Did I Like It: I mentioned a couple of things in my review of the theatrical cut of Rocky IV (1985) that probably bare mentioning again. If you cut out all examples of montage from the film, it would run about twenty minutes. Also, one of my weirder movie moments was when my question about Sico the Robot got included in a Q and A with Stallone and aintitcoolnews.com (kids, ask your parents).

So what do we have here? I’m a little leery of director’s cut as a genre. We can get an infinite amount of re-edits of Blade Runner (1982), and it still never works for me*. The Godfather: Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone (2020) is still, basically The Godfather Part III (1990) with a slightly more sensical ending. And Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021) I was so tried of talking about by the time that it premiered, that it’s the only review I’ve so far outsourced.

Here, the robot is nowhere to be found. Could I have gotten into Stallone’s head? I can’t imagine so… And yet, I can’t rule it out, so that’s fun. Ultimately, the first half of the film is far less ashamed of itself than it once was, freeing it to be more about the friendship of Rocky (Stallone) and Apollo Creed (Weathers) that was started in Rocky III (1982). The second half of the film is largely the same, with a couple of exceptions. The politburo doesn’t get won over by Rocky’s victory. Also, there is no echo of the end of Rocky II (1979), which I only realize now never worked for me.

This is ultimately still a movie aggressively tethered to the 1980s that is about a man winning the Cold War using only his fists, but it is a much better version of that insane movie.

*You can direct your ire to the comments section of that review.

Rocky II (1979)

Director: Sylvester Stallone

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure.

Did I Like It: It’s been the one entry of the whole series (aside from the positively inert Rocky V (1990)) that I have re-visited the least.

For so many years, I had dismissed it as just Rocky (1976) except Balboa (Stallone, taking over directing duties here from John G. Avildsen) wins his fight with Apollo Creed (Weathers) at the end.

But that’s not quite right, I’ve realized. To say nothing of the fact that Tarantino went on and on about how this one is not only great, but perhaps even better than the original*, it was definitely worth a re-examination.

I’ve long defended Rocky III (1982) as the story of someone who may have peaked, and yet struggles to find a continuing source of the drive that got him there to begin with. This is—despite my deep, nostalgic-tinged love for it—the assessment of a fifteen year old. That quality that Stallone can—and eventually does—tap into in his sleep is really on full display here. At least it’s more poignant here, to a near 40-year-old. Finding drive after you have reached the unassailable top of your game is a story of interest to only a few. If these movie reviews somehow made me the next Siskel and/or Ebert, I don’t think I would be all that worried about keeping the hustle going.

As Rocky had his shot at the title, trying to move on from that glorious moment is something he’s just not that equipped to do. How does a hero move on from the reasonable conclusion of his story? he has to go through the ordeal all over again. That ethos that I always saw in the third Rocky had been staring at me in this one**. I’m going to have to re-order my order-of-preference for the series.

• I love you as much as the next guy, Q, but let’s get serious…

** Could it be that “Eye of the Tiger” recommends a movie that strongly?

Rocky III (1982)

Director: Sylvester Stallone

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Burgess Meredith Mr. T, and Hulk Hogan as essentially himself*

Have I Seen it Before: Honestly, I’ve probably seen it more than any other film in the Rocky series… Which brings me to…

Did I Like It: You’re going to call me crazy, but…

Rocky III may be my favorite of the Rocky films. I really, really enjoy this movie. You might say it’s entirely tied to Survivor’s superlative lets-get-pumped “Eye of the Tiger,” but my appreciation for this movie goes deeper. I own a framed poster of the movie. Now, my wife eventually asked that I take it (or as she refers to it “my framed photo of a greased, half-naked Sylvester Stallone) off the wall, but that’s a story for a different time…

Sure, the original is a classic, and Rocky IV is perhaps the most sublimely ridiculous 80s cornball comic book movie, and the fact that Rocky Balboa (2006) and Creed (2015) were able to get more blood out of that stone (or Rock) is a pretty impressive… But this movie is nearly the perfect distillation of what the Rocky series is. It’s the perfect blend of the heart and the cornball that made the series indelible, and helped it win the Cold War, in that order…

There’s a self-awareness to the proceedings that’s endearing when it isn’t purely entertaining, or more accurately, completely wrong. Mickey (Burgess Meredith) turns to Adrian (Talia Shire) during one of the more bombastic scenes and Another moment I can’t help but chuckle at is the boxing announcers assertion in the lead up to the climactic battle between Rocky (Stallone) and Clubber Lang (Mr. T) that this is “absolutely his last fight, win, lose, or draw.” That’s pretty funny, as I’m still not 100% sure that we’ve seen the Italian Stallion’s last fight… at least outside of the ring.

*Between this and Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990), I’m surprised to realize how many films I really enjoy feature the once and future Terry Bollea.

Rocky (1976)

Director: John G. Avildsen

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Burgess Meredith, and lest we forget Carl Weathers

Have I Seen it Before: Probably not as many times as I’ve seen Rocky III (1982). I’m not sure what that says about me.

Did I Like It: Hey, yo… I’m not—like—mentally irregular or nothin’.

I’m going to put a thought out there, and if somebody has a different take on this, I’d love to hear it. But if you haven’t already seen Rocky, then at this point, you’re probably not that interested in it. If you have, you probably already have opinions on not only it, but the entire cottage industry that stemmed from this little seed of a movie. With that, we’ll proceed.

It’s difficult to write about a film like this critically. It’s beloved, and with good reason. It is filled with heart, most of it coming from a single source—Stallone, writing but not quite directing—long before he developed the ego that caused some of his later work to drift into the increasingly absurd and occasionally obnoxious. The original film in the Balboa saga is so steeped in the aesthetic of bleak 70s cinema, but may be one of the most rousing film of all time. Most would say the feel-good streak in American cinema began with Star Wars (1977), but I think it started here and only grew as things progressed into the 80s.

It’s an odd movie to consider in context, though. It spawned (so far) seven sequels. That’s mind boggling if you isolate to yourself to the proceedings of this film. With it throwing its weight around during the ’77 Academy Award, extending its underdog bona fides via Stallone sudden propulsion to stardom, I can’t help but think of it in similar terms to Good Will Hunting (1997). Could you imagine seven sequels to that movie? Actually Good Will Hunting III: The Great Beyond (2005), wherein Matt Damon rips open the space-time continuum with his groundbreaking work at CERN  That would also make Affleck the modern Stallone in my book, which… You know, that actually tracks.