Men in Black 3 (2012)

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld

Cast: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Jermaine Clement

Have I Seen it Before: I have a strong, unwavering belief that this was the last movie I ever saw in a hotel room pay-per-view. And I mean that as it was the most recent time that happened, and also the final time. Honestly, kids. Ask your parents.

Did I Like It: What is the smallest possible rationale for a movie to be made? Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) is what it is because Shatner had a favored-nations clause with Nimoy and thus, the crew of the Enterprise meets God. The Cat in the Hat (2003) was the minimum punishment Mike Myers was able to stomach after refusing to make a movie version of Sprockets. The less said about most adaptations of The Fantastic Four, the better.

Among all of those, the pitch “Josh Brolin can do a pretty good impression of Tommy Lee Jones” has got to be pretty thin. But Sonnenfeld and company make the best of it, for the most part. Trying to get Jones by telling him he maybe had to work for a week probably helped matters more than little.

I’m not entirely sure (pre 2022 Oscars, naturally) why Smith felt the need to come back, and could still around the same time turn his nose up at Independence Day: Resurgence (2016). A summer sci-fi extravaganza is just the same as any other. Maybe if Josh Brolin could do a young Robert Loggia impression…

Ultimately a third venture with Earth’s last line of defenses is about as good as the original and a fair sight better than the almost paint-by-numbers second film. I’m normally in favor of any series wanting to suddenly adopt time travel, but content to reach for the simplest of audiences, we’re not so much allowed to go along on the adventure with Agent J as having him occasionally mention aloud what is happening. It’s not my favorite thing to happen. But it’s all of a piece.

Men in Black (1997)

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld

Cast: Tommy Lee Jones, Will Smith, Linda Fiorentino, Vincent D’Onofrio

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure. While producing The Fourth Wall I had avoided watching it as the Venn diagram might interfere with the process. In fact, I think the DVD currently on my shelf was one of the first DVDs I ever owned.

Did I Like It: It was a strange experience watching this in the summer of 2022. This was the first time since the infamous Academy Awards slap that I’ve taken in a movie starring Smith, and when J first appears on screen, I had some kind of reaction to seeing him again. It wasn’t the return of a conquering hero, or the dread of seeing an aggressor at his prime. It was a degree of annoyance. It certainly seems like Chris Rock suffered no permanent injury, so I could really go the rest of my life without hearing about it. If I’m not alone in that assessment, one does wonder what shape Smith’s career as a movie star will take from here.

There’s nothing wrong with the film itself, but I think even in the 90s I had the sense that this was an exercise in half measures. It’s funny enough, but there are comedies—even high-concept ones—with a far higher laugh-to-miss ratio. The action is engaging enough, but I don’t even have to think all that hard to trip over more suspenseful action movies, even in the summer of 1997*. Ultimately, as a science fiction piece it could stand to be a fair sight weirder than it ends up being. Ultimately, the film is a near-perfect case study in making a big entertainment designed to not offend anyone, but never quite thrill anyone either. Whenever I see a bland monstrosity (including especially the sequels and spin-offs which were to follow in this franchise), I can’t help but wonder what movies might look like now if we hadn’t so thoroughly over-validated this one. back in the day.

*I’m looking in your direction, Con Air and Air Force One.

Addams Family Values (1993)

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld

Cast: Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Joan Cusack

Have I Seen it Before: Oh, sure.

Did I Like It: Now, this is more like it. One doesn’t immediately think of this film in that vaunted pantheon of sequels that far outpaced their predecessor, but this film maintains everything that worked about the first film. The lively performances remain, augmented by the addition of the always-welcome Carol Kane and Joan Cusack. Anjelica Huston and Raul Julia continue to imbue their roles with respectively droll menace and manic energy, that its hard to believe Julia had only a year left to live. The delightfully (if you’ll forgive the expression) kooky production design is here as well and completely undiminished. But this sequel places those parts that worked amidst a story that is far more coherent, and much more adroit in its humor. This is the family Addams perfected. It boggles the mind that—aside from the fact that they are a recognizable property—why they ever tried to go back to this well after this.

Both A and B plots here cover keep things so lively, that I’m not entirely certain which is the A and which is the B. Debbie Jellinsky (Cusack) bringing terror and matrimony in equal measure fuels everything else that happens, but the horror Wednesday (Christina Ricci, who faces the unfortunate reality of making her most iconic impact on cinema before reaching the age of 18) faces at the grim Camp Chippewa could have easily maintained a feature-length runtime on its own merits. 

All this typing about the Addams Family today, and all I want to do is play the pinball machine. I keep thinking I’m above cross-corporate synergy, but tie-ins from the 90s still have the ability to draw my attention. I find it blindingly frustrating I don’t already have that table loaded on to my iPad.

The Addams Family (1991)

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld

Cast: Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci

Have I Seen it Before: Sure. It’s hard to think of this film as marketed to anyone other than children, and I would have been right in the sweet spot for that. How man TV-shows-turned-into-movies did I sit through in the `90s? How many of them were foisted on us by Paramount? I don’t even want to come up with a list.

Did I Like It: Is it possible for a movie to function on just performances and art direction, to the point where its entirely possible there never was a shooting script? I’d say there are about fifteen minutes of plot in the film’s 99 minute runtime, and that quarter of an hour doesn’t quite fit together. I’d dwell more on the question of whether the man played by Christopher Lloyd in this movie truly is Fester Addams, but the movie seems only marginally interested in answering the question, so why should I spend any more time on it?

That might indicate something is rotten at the core of the movie, but wall-to-wall the performances are fantastic. Any time one of these film-based-on-prior-IP, comparisons to the prior performers are natural, but aside from John Astin vs. Raul Julia, is there really any thinking of the cast from the TV show when watching this movie? What’s more, any time some new version of The Addams Family (I’m looking in your direction, the two recent computer-animated fils, which at least appear closer to the original cartoons by Charles Addams in The New Yorker) comes down the pike, are we not comparing those interlopers to the cast assembled here? Huston feels born to play the role in a way not seen before or since, with the possible exception of Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier in X-Men (2000). Although largely a character actor who plays variations on the same theme whether he’s a psychotic cartoon, disgraced nuclear scientist, or a Klingon, Lloyd presents a new energy here. And Christina Ricci makes a compelling case for being the most interesting of the early-90s child stars here, imbibing Wednesday with the right proportions of menace and inquisitiveness. Without those qualities, the film likely would have collapsed in on itself, to say nothing of the eventual sequel.

I guess it is enough for the film to run solely on performance, but they have to be just that good to overcome any other weaknesses.