So, 2016—that wretched hive of scum and villainy—has a few more weeks to wreak havoc on us, the common people. It’s a helpless realization, sort of like the feeling Ellen Ripley must have had at the end of Aliens (1986) when she slowly realized xenomorph eggs surrounded her as far as they eye could see, only to realize the Big Bad Mama would greet her in the immediate future.
It’s bad, is what I’m trying to say. 2016 has been abysmal, and it’s nearly become sort of passé to mention it, so here is my bold suggestion:
Let’s just cut off our losses while we can.
December? I’ve cancelled it. I’ve cancelled the entire month. You’re welcome.
Wait, wait, wait. Come back. You can still have Christmas, if that’s important to you. For me, though, even in the best of years the final weeks lack a certain spark, as if everything that the year has to offer has already come to pass, and all I can do is patiently wait for the fresh beginnings of the new year*.
I would say that we just start 2017 right now, but unfortunately, the space-time continuum doesn’t work that way. What’s left to do? What you linear folk call December, I’m going to call a month out of time. I’m writing off the losses of 2016** and spending the rest of this month getting ready for 2017.
What does that mean?
As I mentioned earlier in the blog, my reading goal for the year was sixty books. At the time of this writing, I am just over thirty. If I somehow managed to read a book a day for the rest of the month, to the expense of any other endeavor I might attempt, I’d still be a book or two short. The plan? I’m going to almost finish as many books as I can. January 1st, I unleash hell. If hell were a flurry of Facebook and/or Goodreads updates.
I can clear the decks of some other things, though. That army of podcasts that has been slowly burning a hole through my phone. They’re going to get listened to! The deluge of comic books that have been staring at me mirthlessly for most of the year? They, at least, can get read.
I’m also going to be doing a bit of an overhaul on the operations here at Party Now Apocalypse Later Industries. I’m going to update the inventory system*** and maybe add a submission section to the site. I pay top dollar for guest blog posts, and only <one of you> has taken advantage so far! Okay, I may not pay top dollar, but I do pay a dollar, and maybe fourteen other ones. You’re sitting on a gold mine! I’ll probably also update the website with an online store, although I have no idea how I’m going to keep up with something like that in addition to everything else. I’ll find a way. 2017 demands it.
Who’s with me? Let’s devote the rest of 2016 to making the preceding 11 months irrelevant. If 2017 is going to be any better, we’ve got to start right now.
*Now, in 2016’s case, that might be a welcome respite, but again, we can’t trust this year to take a break before dying forever, can we?
**Okay. I probably need to take a moment to catalogue all the good things that happened in 2016. The Cubs won the Series. And… And… This footnote is going to be harder than I thought. My writing career developed a lot this year. There. I came up with a second one, quit hassling me! Oh! I also did manage to (so far) keep my commitment to add something to this blog every week. Hopefully it brought more eyes to Party Now Apocalypse Later. Hi there, if you’re new(ish).
***As in, actually start one.